Relationship coach Marni Battista returns to help out career women trying to achieve success in a whole other realm!
If you live a fast-paced life with a successful career, it can be hard to make room for dating. But if you see marriage, kids, or at least a serious long-term relationship in your future, you do have to make the space to allow time for dating!
For the busy career woman who decides to jump into the dating pool, online dating can be a great place to start. That said, make sure you don’t make one of these three common mistakes.
1. Forgetting to leave work at work
With a busy schedule, sometimes even the art of scheduling dates take some finesse…or an assistant! If you’re in the habit of scheduling lunch dates or plan to leave the happy hour date in plenty of time to head back to work to burn the midnight oil, it may be best to wait until the weekend or head out on a night when your calendar is completely open. It may not bother you; after all, you’re used to scheduling things back to back. But when you meet a guy for the first time sandwiched in between appointments, you’re probably…
a) bringing your BlackBerry, iPhone or both
b) bringing your work “game face” to the table
c) bringing stress to the entire experience
The first two can probably be fixed; i.e., put your phone away and turn your “work game face” into a “date game face.” But that last one may be a doozy to change. Spending the whole date talking about what went wrong that morning or what you’re not looking forward to later at the office will come off as masculine and assertive. And most important, it’s not really going to make a guy want to stay tuned for more. In fact, he’s going to assume you’re always stressed – a Type A person who can never take it easy.
If you want to skip this mistake, leave work at work, where it belongs. Leave your phone in your purse and try to schedule dates for open spaces where you won’t be dealing with work over a martini. Nobody wants to be the second most important thing that’s taking up real estate in your mind.
2. Believing you “should” pick up the tab. If you have a popping career and are financially successful, congratulations! That said, we’re going to assume you’re most likely going out with a guy who has a fairly stable income. He might not be making as much as you, but we’re pretty sure he can pay for your Cobb salad and an iced tea — so a wallet reach is fine, but let him pay the bill.
If you’re trying to show him that you’re an independent woman, don’t do it by paying for your date. Let him find out himself once you’re on month two and he appreciates that you don’t sit by the phone waiting for him.
On your first meeting, let him hold the door for you and pull out your chair. On the first date, let him be the provider and protector for you. Let him be in his masculine power, and let him take YOU out, not the other way around. Bonus tip: if he grabs your hand, don’t become the one who’s pulling him out the door and down the street!
3. Buttoning Up
We understand you’re a powerful businesswoman, and men can absolutely appreciate that you’re successful of your own accord. In fact, they’ll probably appreciate that you’re financially independent and ambitious. But this doesn’t mean the only thing you have to bring to the table is your business prowess and negotiation skills. In fact, if you do that you won’t be getting very many second dates at all.
Men are visual creatures. Compatibility and your personality are what make a man stick around, but first impressions are always going to be physical. A guy will know if he’s attracted to you right away, and a BIG mistake that you don’t want to make on the first date is showing up in your power suit.
Wear a dress, put on some heels, and wear a little perfume. Take off the blazer and embrace your feminine side. Be confident that just because a man is attracted to you, it’s not all he’s thinking about. (And while a lot of it is just that, there’s other stuff going on in that brain of his.)
Having an attitude of “Well, he shouldn’t be paying attention to my chest; he should be listening to how I closed that deal yesterday!” also won’t help career women get to a second date, so remember that you are in fact a woman and use it to your advantage.