Dating coach Ronnie Ann Ryan brings up a very important topic. How soon should you get back out there and date after a breakup? Here, she weighs the pros and cons of moving on…
You break up with your partner and think to yourself, “Now what?” Do you have to get over him/her before you start dating again, or should you find a new date as quickly as possible?
Some people find that dating again helps them forget the bad experience they just left behind. But, is this really a smart strategy to get over a breakup? Let’s look at the pros and cons of starting to date immediately.
The pros of dating someone new right away:
1. It keeps you distracted. Anything that keeps you from thinking about your ex can be a good thing. Dating again is certainly one way to do just that.
2. Dating can be fun and exciting. Mingling, flirting and meeting new people can be very good for your ego. Getting attention just feels good and offers the opportunity to refresh your flirting skills. Also, meeting new people expands your world and enriches your life.
The cons of dating someone new right away:
1. You won’t learn from your mistakes. If you rush into a new relationship without reflecting on what happened in your previous one, you risk repeating the same mistakes. To learn from your situation, think about what worked and what didn’t so you can move forward in a healthier way. A lot of my clients attract partners with similar flaws over and over again as a result of not working through past issues before moving onto someone new.
2. You could rush into the wrong relationship. If you are hurting and needy, that is not the best emotional state to attract a healthy relationship. Your state of mind could put a lot of pressure on a budding romance and end up turning off a new partner. Or you might not use the best judgment when making choices because you are in emotional pain. Thinking things through first offers you the best foundation to find lasting love.
3. You won’t have time to grieve. The end of a relationship is a loss that needs to be acknowledged. If you act like it’s no big deal, you run the risk of burying your feelings which is never a good thing. You’ll feel so much better if you go through the stages of grief and let it go, rather than stuffing it down and pretending it doesn’t matter. I realize it isn’t fun, but there’s really only one way through, and that is to feel the grief before moving on.
4. You won’t have time to rebuild confidence. When meeting new love interests, you want to feel really good about yourself. If you are fresh out of a breakup, this isn’t possible. Healing takes time but it also pays off. For a solid recovery, I recommend my clients take steps to rebuild confidence which can include any of the following: pampering, exercising or hiring a personal trainer, changing your hairstyle, etc. This way, when you’re ready to meet new singles, you will feel confident – a quality that both genders seek.
5. You won’t gain strength that comes from being on your own. Some women and men are perfectly fine on their own. Others dislike being without a partner for even a week. Yet, knowing you can survive solo is vitally important to your well-being.
Granted, it’s more fun to have a constant companion, but you don’t want to be in a relationship with just anyone to avoid being alone. Splitting up is never fun. The end of a relationship brings up pain, anger, resentment and…the potential to learn. If your tendency is to jump into a new relationship as quickly as possible, I suggest you try a new approach. Allow yourself time to heal and regain confidence so you can connect at the heart level with the right person for you.
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