I love getting inspiration from the community on Advice. I was just reading several comments about what to do when a guy stops calling and appears to lose interest. I don’t believe that acts of manipulation, like telling him you are dating someone else, is the way to go. I also don’t believe that you should sit around and try to analyze what went wrong, or what you may have said that pushed him away, or even make excuses for him (he does get really busy at work!). A wise person once told me (thank you Mr. Langston) that if a guy wants to be with you, he will move mountains to make it happen. He will jump through hoops to spend time with you and wild horses couldn’t keep him away … you get the drift.
I believe this to be true. If a guy is interested in you, he will call. He won’t pull any disappearing acts or suddenly get extremely busy at work. There is always time to make a quick phone call or send a text message.
The bottom line is: He will make the time for you if he is into you.
There are so many reasons people become disinterested in a potential love match. You could assume and speculate all day long, but I think it’s so much better to just move on to the next romantic adventure.
Chances are it may have absolutely nothing to do with you (and even if it does, don’t sweat it). Do not waste your time and energy on a failed dating experience. Further, don’t waste your time on a guy who didn’t have the character or courage to tell you he just didn’t think it would work out, for whatever reason. When a guy goes poof — say good riddance, baby.
Do you agree? Have friends that psychoanalyze what may have gone wrong on their dates? Would love to hear about it and thank you for all of your great comments on my other posts!
Grant Langston — Vice President, Content and Customer Experience
Jeannie Assimos, — Director of Content
Jonathan Beber, — M.A.
Marni Battista — Relationship Expert
Monique A Honaman — Author
Dr. Seth Meyers — Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Sarah Schmermund, M.A. — M.A.
I am one to do a disappearing act and the reasons can be many. Sometimes I want to take a break from dating pressures and just meet new people to hang out with and laugh. Sometimes I’m just feeling uncomfortable with where I am in life personally. I’ve never felt the need to give the person a reason, simply because I barely know them.
As you can see, the reasons have nothing at all to do with the other person.
Do people over the age of 40 actually take it personal when someone they’ve only known for a short time disappears? Am I being insensitive? Your thoughts.
yup, it’s extremely rude, and immature. Have some common courtesy and at least break it off with someone. Just disappearing is ridiculous…very, very rude.
…. rude yes Jim, I had someone go in and out of my Life for a while, I really cared – HE did not, this year I let him “Go” for good… no more hopping back to me when things go wrong or whatever?? I feel GREAT!!! Like a new person, and now I have a sweet new friend I am seeing, he is sweet and very good to me
Happy 
this just happen to me today.He said he didn’t have time for me anymore.used his job as the excuse to tell he just can’t see anymore.we had been dating for about amonth.I really liked him and we became very close friends.you are right it is very rude to just stop calling.
Yup! Agreed! Rude rude rude. Childish and cowardly. If someone doesn’t want to date me, fine. If someone suddenly stops calling, chances are that I have been the last one to leave a message. Getting the total blow off is so high school.
It depends. If it was a very short time, like one or two dates-maybe. If it was longer, like in weeks and months, also, it depends. I heard a great saying once. “People don’t give you feedback/criticize you because there is nothing wrong with you, it’s because they think you can’t receive it.” Perhaps the ‘dumpee’ is perceived in a negative way such that the dumper would either get a LOT of unwarranted harassment or problems stemming from the action. Every situation is different. Key is to just move on without continuing to hate. Hating after the fact could be an indication of how others may be viewing/fearing you and your potential outbursts.
Out of respect for the other person I always let the person know I don’t feel it or I met someone and want to see where it goes, just a few examples. I will do it in person over text or over the phone just depends on how we were communicating and how far along it was and what the reason was but I am always honest about it. I even told one girl i wasn’t attracted to her, maybe it was rude but it was the truth and I want the brutal truth so I will give it. So just be honest some of us guys do wonder what happened and why was everything going well and then poof she’s gone.
Some may take it personally, while some are probably able to move forward easier. I think honesty is always the best policy and I always like to think about how it would be if the shoe was on the other foot. I would want someone to tell me – hey, I am just not in that place to get into anything right now …
I think it’s rude to just disappear if you’ve been in contact with someone and had more than one date with them. It’s just common courtesy to say, hey, I don’t think this is going to work out, or we’re not a good match or something like that. I would much prefer that to the old disappearing act.
I dated a guy for 3 1/2 months, had just gone on a weekend away date together. Things seemed to be going great. All of a sudden, he quit texting/calling. After a week of nothing from him, I sent him an email to find out what was going on. He replied back by email that it was stress at work and problems with his ex-wife that kept him from calling. I got the hint. I didn’t mean enough to him for him to even give me decent break up call. I told him good bye and haven’t heard from him since. It was rude and hurtful the way he quit calling. But in a way, I’m glad now that he did it. Saved me from getting too attached to someone who turned out to be emotionally immature.
Dating many people is about either rejection or connection. I find myself always following up with the other person in saying I am sorry but I think I am going down another path and wishing them the best. I think it is kind to be that way… do men do that in return? Not once for me. I seriously don’t get it. Wish I could get in their mind why they don’t. With being adults here and everyone projecting that communication is the key element to a relationship…doesn’t fit the profiles expectations.
I am a man and I will always let the girl know I will not just stop communicating unless I am 100% sure we both are done and you can feel it from the last date that it is mutual
Concise, common sense advice, Jeannie! Good job.
I am one of these women, who wonders what happened? We were doing so well and suddenly not even a text to say hello. As if suddenly I was dead and that was that. I am still not sure how and when it happened, but very slowly he did not return my texts, then he did not answer my calls and then his work got in the way. I truly agree with you Jeannie, that if you really like someone you will move mountains and swim the Pacific Ocean if necessary. But, although I know all this part of me either has hope or is in denial. I keep thinking that if only he could see all that I have to offer then he will realize I am the one for him. There is an old saying “If a shoe that does not fit, not even by force will be comfortable” I just need to move on and find a better shoe
one that will fit back. Thank you Jeannie for your blog. I feel I can start to move on.
Yes, I too wonder what happened. Admittedly, I got involved too quickly. However, he seemed so into me and said you need to bring your toothbrush over and I was a truly amazing lover and told the door man to take good care of me. He went away for a week and never called me upon his return…and I emailed him a light nice note. No answer…so hurt I just can understand. It’s so rude and leaves me very confused.
I do agree that, as a common courtesy, the person who decides to pull a Houdini should at least tell the other person why…assuming the other person can handle the truth.
Speaking of truth, the truth of the matter is, some people simply cannot handle the honest truth about themselves. Not a tactlessly presented truth, but an honest, sincere assessment. For example, to tell someone, ”I’m breaking up with you (or deciding to no longer see you) because you have an issue with drinking too much and too often,” is an honest assessment. To tell them, ”You’re a worthless drunk,” is a tactless truth.
I have had SEVERAL relationships where I have discovered the other person has a drinking problem (alcohol addiction has always confounded me, much as has smoking – both kill. Why would you not seek help?!) One relationship ended when she showed up at my place at 10:30 PM, drunk and ready for ”some fun.” I was sleeping, thank you, and didn’t appreciate the sudden, drunken midnight call. If she hadn’t been drunk, yes, I would have been far more receptive.
When I wouldn’t return her affections, she left, yelling, screaming and stumbling. I told her, ”You’re drunk. Don’t come back until you’re sober.” That was the last time I ever saw her.
By no means do I think I’m all that and a box of chocolates but I do know that I lead a (somewhat) healthy lifestyle (I’m not Draconian about it). I am only looking for someone who’s thinking about tomorrow by trying to live better today. And, for me, people with chemical abuse problems and obvious mental stability issues are simply not on the same page.
if they do not respect themselves or love themselves more than that, they will never be able to love someone else more than that…you sound like a virgo.
There’s a difference between “not calling” and “refusing to talk or avoiding talking.” If neither person is calling the other, it’s hard to put the ‘blame’ on one person for not calling; it’s not like it’s a guy’s “responsibility” to call a girl or vice versa. But pulling a true houdini where you literally refuse to talk to the other person and explain what is going on seems like a hurtful thing to do.
I was in a situation recently where I guy I was interested in,(we had been in contact at a minimum every week for the last 3 years, and sometimes daily) I would wait to see if contacted me, he always did. He toyed with idea of dating me, but in the end didn’t want more then friendship. The last time we had been in contact, it seemed like a friendly chat. After that nothing for 2 months now. It’s been horrible and makes me keep wondering what i said did. I would have preferred to have been told off, then nothing at all, after 3 years I deserved better then that, even as a friend. Something said, even something nasty and mean would have been better then this. At lease it would have given me closure.
I am not sure I believe this entirely. Right now as I write this my boyfriend is with 12 of his buddies on some car racing trip. He called me a few days ago before he left. When he gets back we are going on our own little vacay and I can’t wait. I don’t expect him to call me until he comes back…I am actually having my own fun with family and friends while he is gone. I guess it has to do with how secure you are. if I wasn’t I think I would feel ignored or even snubbed..I do agree that he COULD call if he wanted but again I am okay with him doing his buddy thing. he’s not going to stray or anything…His son is with him and it is just one big party for him as well as the rest.
We’re talking about when a guy stops calling that you’ve been dating a short while. Not when your boyfriend takes a trip and doesn’t call for a few days. Very different scenario.
I’m a man and I’m amazed to see how much fuss people can put around a phone.
I always thought and considered a phone to be a communication tool, not an emotional device which people abuse for their own empowerment purposes etc.
That said, I’ve done the “Stop Calling Thing” twice not long ago.
My reasons are overly simple.
The girls that I called would never initiate any phone call (“because ladies should never call”) but they would initially “lure” me into calling them by giving me their phone numbers and flirting.
As soon as I initiated a phone call, this gave them the opportunity to perform a wide range of stupid mind games like pretending to be busy, not taking the call because they were partying with friends, talking for a short time and stopped abruptly, pretending they had a wonderful life and not acting needy or desperate at all… and so on.
With so much disrespect, I just stopped calling…
In such cases, it would have been ridiculous to call them one last time to warn them about my “stopping to call”. They owed me apologies, not the other way round.
I understand there are cases where someone just stops calling or disconnects completely in a cowardly way leaving the other person in darkness. I really don’t approve this kind of emotional torment.
ok…welll, my situation, this has happened twice now. I have started dating a guy, he says I’m great,, says he wants to date me, excited to date me, calls regularly. In this situatuation I wen out of town. he asked me to stay in touch and he was also planning on calling. (I was planning to be out of town for a month) he called the first week and tehn he was mia and not returning my calls come the second. I have asked him to call and let me know that he is getting my message at least, and I have received nothing… it’s now been 2 weeks…the message was left in e-mail and phone…why does this happen? I’m great, amazing, etc…according to him, He initiates staying in touch, and I meet him there….and then he falls off the face of the earth…this I don’t understand…I would LOVE some thoughts!
My sympathy to you!
“Any” guy would say you are great, amazing etc in the beginning whether this is true, partly true or simply his initial subjectivity. This is done to establish continuity and to bring you within this continuity. Since we expect the man to make the first step, it will be up to him to carry out such continuity protocol. It is a formal procedure that he has to execute whether he likes it or not! What people fail to understand is afterwards he has the choice to discontinue. After the initial phase of courtship, his initial perception of you may change. This happens very often. Plus, too much planning, postponing and lack of synchronization will lead to nothing. This may or may not be your case.
Anyway, there is very little to worry about. Carry on and continue to date.
Firstly Ben how exactly do u know that the lady in question wasn’t busy or in a situation where she couldn’t chat.As a rule us woman like to romanced a bit and yes the man making the call does feel better (I mean if a man can’t summon the strenght to make a phone call what else is he incapable of.Us ladies like a man to pursue us initially , it feels good , gives us the warm fuzzies and believe it or not makes us like u more.If we have to chase u down , remind u we exist etc it feels Yuck and RARELY WORKS.
Totally agree, I think that the “not chasing after him”, rule, and others like that, are deceiving and dishonest, why?
Because if a girl is interested, should at the bare minimum, throw a bone to the guy.
It’s ok to chase a girl, BUT if you’re too busy to send a text/call…as Seinfeld put it perfectly in one of the episodes of his show…
“Well…good luck with all that…”
you stated it correctly, ‘emotional torment’.
It’s very cruel to suddenly stop returning emails, and not answering the phone without any explanation. Perhaps that is the ‘easy’ way out for some people who’d rather say sweet things to their significant just a day before cutting them off entirely. It is extremely rude, whatever the reason. I am going through this right now with a woman who had nothing but wonderful things to say about me for two months. We slept together and she said it was the best night of her life. That kind of thing. Then…nothing, cuts me off cold without a word of explanation a day after emailing me she can’t wait to see me again. We are going on three weeks now without any communication, though she is still Friend on Facebook. I consider her behavior to be very rude and very cruel. Perhaps that is her way of getting me to break off the relationship..not sure as she provides no explanation at all.
I met a guy who seemed to really nice. Could not wait to meet me. Sent me texts, we met, he talked about a second date, sent texts saying he hoped to see me soon (a few with that message, then nothing. No call back after the last text which was day’s ago. How long do you wait to say something, call or move on. I don’t get it. I was 2 weeks of texts after the first date and now 5 day’s of nothing. What is that?
Advice Ladies
If a guy suddenly stops calling DONT PANIC, sit back relax and get busy with ur own life.He may need a lil space ,who knows dont jump to conclusions but don’t wait either.The most important thing is to LET HIM CONTACT U again.
I am going through the same thing!! Two weeks ago, I met this great guy (what I thought was a great guy). Our first date, we both talked about how we had this “instant connection”. For me, I know I have never felt like this before. We were in constant contact every day, he would call me every morning, every evening, countless text’s by both parties every day. Tell each other we missed each other all the time. On our 4th date, we ended up sleeping together, shall I say, he had some “issues” however I did everything in my power to make sure to try to take the focus off that and to let him know that I was having an amazing time, he ended up leaving very quickly and the next day, was very distant with me, told me he would call me, he did not. Now, he will not respond to me at all. What am I to make of all of this? I asked him if there was anything that I did or say to offend him, to try and put the focus back on me, he right away said no, and have not heard from his since. I have left him alone, is this enough for him to walk away for good? Are there any guys here that can answer this for me? I am leaving him alone to “deal” with whatever it is he is dealing with, but geesh, the least he can do is talk to me!!!
I think this one’s easy. He’s embarrassed by his performance issues and it is easier for him to cope with this by never having to face you again. He fears your judgment and he feels ashamed. OR, he really wasn’t having a great time and doesn’t care for an attempt at a repeat performance. Then again, he might be way more into the chase but less interested in the catch. Finally, he may get his ego boost from talking a good game but when it comes down to actually performing, he has anxiety of living up to the expectation he’s created and can’t follow through. No matter what, it’s his issue. I’ve been told that, for men, even “bad sex is good sex.” So I really doubt that his problems have anything to do with you. he’s probably had this problem numerous times.
I think you are right- I asked a male friend and he said it is usually because he is hidding something or ashamed of something.
This just recently happened to me also. Last time I spoke with my boyfriend of 2 yrs and 10 mo. everything was fine.
The next day he didnt text or call so I tried to call him and it went straight to voicemail and my texts werent returned. Over the next few days when I tried to call it kept going right to voicemail. A couple days later it finally rang and went to voicemail.
I tried to call again and it went straight to voicemail again. We dont live in the same town so its not like I can drive over to his house.
We have talked and text each other daily for almost 3 yrs.
It’s really starting to bother me and I’ve started to think maybe he wants to end it.
I called a couple times asking him to please let me know what is up. Any answer is better than wondering.
If he IS ignoring me that is the cruelest thing to do snd hurts so bad especially since we have discussed that very thing!
We promised each other we would be honest with each other if one of us ever wanted to break up no matter what.
He knows this bothers me so if it is on purpose he isnt the man I thought he was.
Anyone have any advise??
Women pull these Houdini acts and game playing FAR, FAR, more often than men, and with far more annoying results. A few months ago, after dating a women for about 3 months, lots of fun, no strife, equality in the choosing the weekend fun. Then out of no-where the crazy stuff starts. Had a usual pleasent conversation that included making plans for the next weekend but Friday night going to an MMA fight with some buddies. She says she has another call to make and she would call me back the next day to solidify plans. No call for 4 days. Once each day (and guys, DONT do it more than once), I leave a quick voice mail, the last time being one of a little concern about her well being. Then I get one voice mail back on Friday night while out at the fights (she new I was out), asking me to “call her when I get the chance”. I do so first thing next day, the WEEKEND, and no plans. She does not answer, nore returns the measage for the rest of the weekend. I DO NOT call back again. By the end of the following, I get a call, and she upset that I stopped calling. Geez, “GOODBYE, I don’t need this crap”. That is how most men handle things.
I was engaged to a man I meet on eHarmony and, after several months, he was all set to move down and had opened a bank acct, visited apt options, we had bought ring and set a date and told friends and family and then he went home and for two weeks the calls were shorter then for a week he didn’t call and when we finally talked, he said everything was fine and then 24 hours later I get an email saying we are from different worlds and it won’t work out and he doesn’t want to talk anymore and have a nice life. Not even a video chat or real reason given. He didn’t even tell his family that he broke the engagement. Last week would have been my wedding day. I try to look at it as an lucky escape but it still hurts because I loved and trusted him and had no idea this was coming and still don’t know why. So my belief is, if the person stops calling, they are scared and getting ready to bail. More than likely, they have found someone else they like more or just are too scared of change. Most times, you will never know the real reason.
Okay, I am going through the same situation right now. We were in a casual dating over 2 months, and all the suddent he stops calling/texting. It was rude. It’s common courtesy to tell the other person, it’s simple and show we are respect other other. Why some guys still not get this kind of things? It’s so immature and rude. Grow Up!
I too am dealing with the same situation. I met a doctor 3 months ago. He was so into me, called me a few times, emailed me,txt me constantly. Went out 6 times. Sometimes he wouldn’t email me or txt me for 3 days and would go out of town on business for the weekend or the week. Never thought anything of it and wouldn’t hear from him unti he got back. Recently we slept together for the first time. The next day I heard nothing from him, never returned my txts, emails. Then the following day, I txt him and he finally responded. Thought everything was fine. Now today is day 3. Have not heard nothing from him. Not answering anything from me. I don’t understand. Why do they do this. I didnt do anything wrong. I really liked him and he liked me too. I spent the night crying like a stupid baby trying to figure out what went wrong like every girl who goes thru this. Should I email him and ask why he decided to stop talking to me? Or should I try the “no contact rule”. Help!
It is very common and natural for a man to come on hot n heavy in the first few weeks of meeting.It is important to slow down the pace as the man will not.Yes its hard I know but it must be done girls.
there are times when guys decided to leave their partners. A sad reality but happening mostly on many break ups.
This is a shame people have such disregard for your feelings. I met a man on a website that wined and dined me, spent every weekend with me, bought things that my kids LOVED and I think my son felt like “its so good to see my mother happy” We laid around and had lazy weekends or we went out on the town. Always getting along, his calls made me smile! After 3 months I begin to feel this might just grow into something. This man was mature and established…Then I get back from the football game he bought tickets to and he rushes me off the phone. That was Sunday for 2 weeks he rushes me off the phone and said he would call back and never did. We talk lesss and lesss and less. I haven’t been to see him. I spent money to purchase gifts for him for Christmas and now I am not even sure he will be around to accept them. I feel ashamed that I bragged to my friends about how happy I was and now I feel like a fool. Who knew dating between two adults could be so difficult!!
Sweetie , my advice DO NOT GIVE HIM X MAS PRESENTS, DO NOT CALL, EMAIL ,IM or anything.He has pulled back which is common for a man after a lot of intimacy.Let him be,allow him this space.Yes it hurts but you will lose him if u keep pursuing him like this.Let him call you,when he does be receptive not angry and see what happens time will tell.
This was helpful thank you
I really wish people just did as they said and felt. Although it may be too soon to tell, I just met someone who I’ve been talking to for 2 weeks on the phone. Yes it was a first date – before you guys jump in, he was the one giving signals, asking to go some other place after dinner – to get coffee etc, flirting a bit, and seemed to be of good character. I texted him a thank you for dinner text the day after – he said he had a great time and then he called and left a message. I called back 10 mins later to get voicemail. No call back and no text and a day later – which would be fine except prior to this he called/texted almost every day and I’m starting to freak out because I though we got along great.
Ok – he just called scratch that last one!
Honestly I’m used to men do that, just disappear and don’t text, email, call anymore since I always met guys who are leaving or traveling for a while and also when I’m abroad maybe for that I’ve not had a boyfriend. However, with the last guy I date (also he was planning to do a large trip soon he seems to be so into me that I couldn’t belief everything,I met her family as well.. after dating a couple of days during some weeks I decided to sleep(first time) with him since he has been a gentlement at that time and we get along pretty well so I thought it’s time to experience, and actually I don’t regret since it was my decision. Well after that we fix to see us again but we never didn’t because of him so I stopped to messaging him and a few days after he sent me a text asking how I was, then I texted him to catch up but he was so tired of working and on the beach that he couldn´t. Almost 3 weeks later and he’s not texted or call me back. He has more girls to play. But I couldn’t avoid to feel used.. well In conclusion another jerk I’ve met. Next time I hope to find someone who is really into me and no traveling of course and enjoying my time living in Australia!!
I hear you all and I really want some input on my situation. Some brutal-no bs input. Ok. I met a Guy off a chat line 2 years ago.the arrangement was fwb. But when we met, things didn’t exactly go the way we’d expected it to. He was recently off of an engagement and I out of a 8 years relationship. We both were kinda looking for a loving heart and sensual affection. He attempted to take sex off the table, but in talking to him and him not being so aggressive in the area, made me want him more. So needless to say-it happened. Everything moved so fast. I loved him instantly and spoke it very early. (scaring him I think) but the attraction was mutual. My home was very different from his life-the area and the state of it and he continued to be around. He took time with my son and we stood a united front in front of him. We spoke on our deepest and darkest experiences and desires-with no concrete relationship. And after 2 years of off and on appearances and input in my life; and not meeting any family members or friends… I flipped! I could not understand what we were doing! He starting dating a chick on our 11 month break, got engaged-broke it off and came back-just to keep me in this Weird space of semi commitment!? We spent holidays together and was stuck in a blizzard together, celebrated birthdays together and Now… Nothing. After I flipped about EVERYTHING that bothered me for the past 2 years, he stopped calling or returning calls, texting or even coming around. We spoke after the situation but I just don’t believe its over. I mean, we were looking at houses, and he asked me could my son and I go with him to look at a property he wanted to move to…. I just don’t understand how two people can be done good for each other when games and other prepress impressions on your relationship is included, then nothing as if it never happened. As if we didn’t share something that was magical. My mother HATED him with a passion, but SHE even admitted that he was the one. And it just hurts. I pray for him and I can’t help but weep because im a single mom of 4 sons. Three are mobile between grandma and me but the youngest is here always. And my son is in love with him! Everyone the phone rings, he thinks its him, everyone we hear a knock on the door, he says its him-running the whole way…. God knows I love that man… But it hurts do bad, its torture.
I met a guy a back in August who works for the same
Company as me and had just moved back to the city were in for a job. He knew a friend of mine and she had given him my number. He of course never called. Then in the beginning of January he messaged me on a dating website, not realizing he already knew me. I messaged him back calling him out on it, he did not reply. He then came into work and talked to the girl who had given him my number before and told her how he felt like an idiot and really wanted to ask me out. So he immediately messaged me on the dating site and after a couple of messages we exchanged numbers. We texted and talked that whole weekend and on Monday we went on our first date. We had a great time, talked for hours, and both had the best kiss of our lives (exact words coming from his lips). We talked after the date and he wanted to see me the next day. So we had a day date and then hung out the next night. We then went out two nights later on a Friday and spent the whole weekend together where I met his friends and he met mine. We spent five out of seven days in the next week together. We spent the whole weekend together again. Staying in on Friday night and watching movies, going to a work function together all day Saturday and having an impromptu dinner with my dad and grandparents and then going out with his brother and friend. All the while he has been telling me how scary it is how much he likes me, how he’s always going to spoil me, how he’s so thankful for me to be in his life, how awesome I am, and how happy he is with me. He even got off the dating website three days after our first date and a week after our first date he wanted to be exclusive. Everything felt so natural and easy with us and I had never been swept off my feet like this so I was willing as well. I hadn’t felt this way in a really long time. He even bought me a pillow for his house and we were making insignificant plans for when it gets warmer outside. He was suppose to meet my mom and sis this past weekend at a mice race event. He started transitioning to a new position at work last Friday while continuing to do his current job and finding a replacement for him. We spent the whole
Weekend together and everything was perfect. Monday he worked 8-8 which he continued to do everyday this week. We were suppose to have a dinner date on Tuesday but we had to cancel so I brought dinner to him and we stayed in and watched movies and I stayed the night. Everything was great. On Wednesday he felt distant and we talked about him being overwhelmed at work. On Thursday he told me that all He could offer me right now is a friendship. We talked about it face to face that night after he got out of work and we both cried and he begged me to be his friend because he didn’t want to lose me. He promised that once things settle Down at work that he would give us a chance. He wants to be the best boyfriend he can be and spend every waking moment with me or he thinks I’ll leave him so that’s why he wants to be friends and not date bc of all the stress. Well with me being a girl, I was too pushy. And he texted me yesterday and told me to
Just relax about all of this and that he just needs some time. Then an hour later he texted me and said his feelings have changed, this has to end now, I’m sorry. Then the last text he sent me after I was trying to get answers was “this has gone completely out of control and I’m at work. My job is really important to me. I’m really sorry.” Did I mess things up too badly? Could his feelings have changed that quickly or is he just trying to push me away bc he needs his time? I need some help. He is amazing and I don’t want to lose him for forever. I can stand being without him for a short time but I need help on what to do to get him back. Did I screw it up by being too pushy after he asked for time? Any help or advice is much appreciated. Thank you
Yes, you are much too overbearing and came on like a ton of bricks. Next time you meet someone and the feelings are mutual, give the relationship some time to develop instead of introducing to relatives, staying overnight, constant daily contact. It is suffocating. It was too much and he got tired of it.
Thank you!!!!!!!
I’m in a similar situation. I met a guy online two months ago and things seemed to go well. We went out together a few times on casual dates. He was very attentive and there was no indication that he wasn’t interested. He also stressed several times that he wanted to go slow and that he was happy with the pace we were going. Then, over the past three weeks, we began texting several times a day. Last Saturday, everything seemed to be going well and he seemed content. Then Sunday morning we exchanged good mornings via text (his was friendly and open like it usually was), but I got the feeling from his tone that he was busy so I politely said that I would let him go for the time being and would touch base with him a little later. Then, after the fact, I realised that a part of a previous text (something we had laughed over) had gotten pasted in my current text by mistake (I apologised for it when he commented on it). I contacted him that evening to see how he was and I haven’t heard from him since. So now I’m left wondering why the silence: did he decide he was through with me because of the mistake in the text, was it because of all the texting, did he decide we were getting too close and he needed space to think things through or did he simply lose interest? I don’t know if I should give him time to sort things out and let him contact me or if I should contact him and try to find out what happened (in a non-demanding way). If someone has any thoughts on this I would really appreciate any ideas as to what I should or shouldn’t do.
I think the people typing, “It’s rude, cowardly, immature.”, are the ones who have been broken up in that manner. You feel a need for explanation, an answer, a reason. I hate to break it to you, but nobody owes you anything. Things didn’t work out so deal with it, just like the other party is.
I didn’t understand it until it happened to me and I disagree with you. Two adults decide to date which took mutual consent which created, in a sense, a verbal if not unspoken agreement to be respectful. That exit is for cowards.
Nobodys owes someone who put their time and feelings into a relationship ? I hate to break it to you but thats very stupid. The other party isn’t dealing with it. They ran away from it like a little bitch.
No one deserves to be treated like they don’t exsist after investing alot of time in another person.So yes an explanation is owed.
Well this is happening to me right now. Met a guy on a dating website, seemed to be really into me (texting or calling several times every day), we went out on a few dates, seemed to be enjoying each others company. The third date it was clear he wanted to spend the night, but I still felt we were in the getting to know each other stage so we stopped short of having sex. Now, although he does return my texts the responses are friendly but very brief and he has not initiated communication himself at all.
My assumption is that he doesn’t want to put any more time in because I wouldn’t have sex with him that evening. Sorry mister, it wouldn’t have been good if I was uncomfortable now would it? And if sex on the third date is a deal breaker for him, then he really wasn’t interested in ME in the first place.
Since my last few texts have been met with such brief responses, I’ve decided that I’m not going to initiate contact again, and see what happens. But it is frustrating, and it makes me question my own judgement.
I just keep reminding myself that I would rather have a guy not contact me after I DIDN’T have sex with him than to have him not contact me after I DID.
After 4 and half years of being together, he just stop calling!
First year we were together all the time, and then he moved to another city because of the college. We had ups and downs but it worked..
And one day he didn’t text me back and I was worried because he didn’t answering my calls. We had this problem before but he told me that he needed a space because he had some problems, he wanted time just for himself, and I respected that. But now is totally different, he didn’t called me for 18 days, I just stopped trying. I just sent him a text to wish him a HAPPY B DAY on 13th day of “no calling” and he answered THANK YOU A LOT!
I’m 21 and he’s 23!
I still love him and all that, but he don’t respect me anymore and he just don’t care anymore
I am in the same situation I reconnected with an old childhood friend who lives out of states, we started dating he paid for a ticket for me to visit him for the weekend, had a lot of fun, I came bk home we would talk daily (phone, text and oovoo) he said he wanted me to be his girlfriend, I decided to go for it. He got me another ticket within 2months to see him again, before going I got a really weird vibe as if something was wrong I was considering not going but decided to go and see what happened upon my arrival he was very distance I decided not to say anything but waited to hear what he had to say, he told me he wanted us to have kids together I said to him its too soon and that is something to consider once the relationship processes, he then reveal that he just because a dad abt 5 days ago, I was In shock and my emotions got the best of me, I could not stop the tears from coming he said it ok if I didn’t want to be with him anymore, I decided to stay with him, once I return home he spoke daily again then one day he stopped calling.. after about 1 ½ wk I decided to send him a text he then sd he was thinking abt me and looking at my facebook page ( which was ODD) I asked what was up he said he had a lot going on, BS!!! We spoke that night and continued the relationship, but abt 1 wk after he stopped texting and calling daily and the only time we would speak was when I clled/text!! I told him how I felt , and everything I would call he would say “ I was just thinking abt you, I was then asked why not text or call he would say nothing.. he asked me to move in with him out of state I told him we needed to talk I text and call no reply after abt 9 days I wrote him an e-mail letting him know that clearly we are at different stages in our lives and I am looking for something else. Never heard from him since I wanted to just close that chapter with my e-mail
From experience it seems as if he just wasn’t ready just based off his decision making. It’s like he’s making random decisions without considering the consequences. You deserve so much better. I wish you the best.
I have been dating a guy for 16
months he works away so we used to speak all the time on the phone in the last 4 months he makes excesses that he’s out bush working and the phones don’ work when we do speak he says he loves me a lot, it’s been 4 months since we were together. confused
I’m currently going through this. My boyfriend of 2 years, who bought an engagement ring for me and asked my dad for my hand in marriage, wouldn’t talk about the future with me because he said he couldn’t guarantee anything. I told him to be honest with me about whether or not a commitment was what he really wanted. It’s been two weeks and he hasn’t tried to contact me. I’ve called him, I’ve texted him, I’ve e-mailed him, so he would clarify whether he’s taking a break or doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. No response. I don’t know if I should just move on. It’s hard because we were talking about getting married. I’m completely dumbfounded why someone would do this to someone they said they were committed to and loved. Why not just have the respect and decency to be honest with the other person?
wow that’s really bad.. now i feel bad about my story.. find him, force him to face you, he cant run like a coward
It took him 22 days to contact me, but he finally did. He still wants to be with me and get married, but he said that it’s going to be a big adjustment for him. Hello, it will for me too! I told him if he ever pulled this disappearing act again, I’m done. No 3rd chances. Everything is fine between us now, but I’m proceeding cautiously.
id say this is true that if a man wants you nothing can keep him away, if he doesnt then nothing can make him stay. The bottom line is: He will make the time for you if he is into you.
I’m completly broken. I’ve been in a three month relationship with a guy, its been hard because its long distance, but just two weeks we were together and it was amazing. Just last week we were skyping and he was telling me how much everything in his house now reminded him of me, how much he loved me and missed me. I’ve been hurt many many times so i’me allways suspicious and it took me a while to trust him. then he had a trip for work, and one of his coworkers got into a bad accident. He explained that because of that he couldnt talk as much, so I called him the first two days, he said he was really tired, but that he loved me so much, that my support was so important to him, that he missed everything about me. The day after that he stopped texting, stopped answering my calls, a week went by, he texted me after all these days saying he was on his way back and would call as soon as possible. he didnt. The day after I called him and he didnt pick up, again texted saying he was suuuper busy at that moment but he would call as soon as possible. He didnt.. and later a friend posted a photo of him out in a club with friends. Broke my heart.. called him, again didnt pick up. So I texted him saying that i couldnt believe how cruel he was being, that i was done, would never bother him again, just wish i could understand why he was acting like this. He never replied.
Just so you understand how surprised i got, he never did this, even on a trip to thailland with friends he would find a way to go to an internet cafe everyday to talk to me. Had allways been honest when he had doubts or was unhappy or upset with me. and this time he went from “I love you so much, if you could only know” to never speaking to me again
How about this one: I met this guy at a school about 4 years ago. We were both in relationships at the time, but established a really strong bond and started talking. We were going to begin dating 2 years ago, but he got deployed to Iraq, and a few other things interefered, but we always would talk when we could, say “I love you” etc. He is a very romantic type, always sending me poems and stuff like that. A year went by where he started trying to work things out with his ex, so we became more of friends and talked every once in a while, but about a month ago, we were chatting again. He is single, I’m available, I do have a child now, but he said he loved kids and couldn’t wait to meet him. He was traveling through my area last week and we were supposed to meet for lunch. But, one day, bam…no more calls. I got one text that said, “Just got signal.” I texted him back but no response in a week. Should I call? Should I worry? This was one sure thing that I never doubted. Now I’m doubting.
Hi:
I was/am (?) dating a guy for the past 3 months and he even went so far as to introduce me as his girlfriend. He made it clear he didn’t like texting or talking on the phone so our conversations were always brief despite the fact we didn’t see each other more than once a week (due to both of us having kids). The thing is, is that one night we were talking, everything was fine. Then all of a sudden he said he had to put his son to sleep and I asked him to call back because I was in the mood to chat. He didn’t and haven’t heard from him since (2 days) and this is unlike him. I refuse to call him because I feel if he doesn’t reach out he must have lost interest but I would have appreciated him manning up and saying he needed space or whatever his reason was rather than stonewalling me. BTW: he’s been divorced 4 times and had a physically abusive father so perhaps this may play a role in his behavior…
Any advice or feedback would be very much appreciated. Please no mean comments…I’m bummed out as it is..
I dated my ex for 8 years. In March he went MIA for two weeks. I texted and called but no repsonse. I texted his sis to see if he was ok and she said yes. So i gave up. I waited 14 days for a reply. If he was ok he could have called/ emailed, or done something. I left him a text saying he was a abd boyfriend.
I don’t think I overreacted because the previous week he did not return my calls or texts either. I feel like I wasted a huge part of my life. WAs I wrong?
i think if you’ve gotten naked with someone, you should call at the very least to break it off. before the clothes come off, all bets are off… but the second you’ve been nude, you best be calling somebody. don’t coward out.
i was in an 9mth long distance relationship. it was hard but we managed to see each other 5 times for long periods of time. the signs are always there. excuses of where he is, where he’s been, who he has to rush u off the phone to call…anything out of his normal behavior is cause for concern..he stopped calling as frequently about 2mths ago so i knew something was funny. everytime i asked it was always an excuse about work (thats always the classic line) or his stress level etc…he let a few days go by without calling one too many times. ive told him in the past it bothers me and he did nothing to fix it. meaning, he doesnt care enough about me to care…he called last thur and i never called him back. he hasnt made and attempt to see whats wrong so there’s the answer..bottom line: a man will move heaven & earth to be with you if he wants to and he will ignore you like the plague if he doesnt. its tough to face but better now than later
I hate to say it but it is nice to see that I am not alone. I met a guy online. We talked for about 1 month before deciding to meet. When we did, it was instant chemistry. We had alot of similarities and instantly clicked. The one challenge was I lived in another city but I reassured him that I had no problem traveling to meeting him, etc. We had two wonderful dates in early May and then we met up when we were both in the same city for work events. THat evening was spectacular. He kept saying how attracted he was to me, etc. We texted often as he has a child and it was the easiest way to communicate. After our last meeting, his emails because more sporatic. I had to be near his home town for work and offered to come and visit him. I asked that he let me know if he was available so I could make my travel arrangements appropriately. No response. I called and texted. It has been over 3 weeks and I have not heard anything from him. What is the purpose to no manning up and ending it? Especially when you obviously were intimate and romantic with me?
I was dating a guy I met online since February. Things were great and then he cancels on me on the Saturday we were supposed to go out. I was not happy so I told him that my feelings were hurt because he was just going to drink with his friends he’s 42! He said he would make it up to me the following Tuesday, but Tuesday comes and he doesn’t call. I think he is lying in a ditch somewhere but he finally texts me back saying that he wants to call me but there is just too much happening in his life and he wants to spend quality time with me. I send him about 4 texts over the next week and he just ignores me. Of course he never closed his online dating account so I send him one more message saying I am sorry things didn’t work out but I honestly don’t know what happended and wish he was just honest with me. Seriously is he just emotionally immature? That was the only time we ever had any disagreement but it was all by text.