Four Relationship Habits That Keep You Single

December 17, 2012

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Today’s post comes from YourTango’s Kristina Marchant, who reached out to various dating experts for their thoughts on the habits that may rub others the wrong way. Interesting…!

YourTango asked over 100 YourTango Experts this question: Which of the following bad relationship habits is most likely to keep someone single?

whypeopleremainsingle 300x152 Four Relationship Habits That Keep You SingleOf the seven answer choices offered, there was no clear consensus. In fact, Dr. Jeneatte Raymond says, “There is no bad habit that keeps someone single. It is usually an idealized view of relationships that make it a fairy tale that never comes true. The unwillingness to give up the fairy tale is what keeps people single.”

However, some experts disagree. Below are a few of the habits that may keep people single. Which one(s) do you have?

1. Invasiveness. Are you often told to keep your voice down or to give someone else a chance to speak? Do you find yourself trying to connect with people when they’re clearly busy with other things? Are you too nosy, constantly inquiring about your partner’s whereabouts? If you have a hard time respecting another’s personal space, remember that no man or woman wants to feel bulldozed by a partner’s need to connect. Learn to self-soothe any anxiety you have related to intimacy and try to be more mindful.

2. Impulsiveness. Are you quick to fly off the handle? Do you act first, think later? Do you read into things or get paranoid easily? If you’re quick to act out, you’re sabotaging your chances at emotional security within a healthy relationship. Impulsiveness is scary for men and women, and nobody wants to walk on eggshells. Take deep breaths before responding to what feels like an insult or attack. Try to ignore the voice in your head that is hyper-suspicious of others’ motives.

3. Impatience. Are you selfish with your time and unable to wait for others? Do you interrupt people when they’re speaking? Do you feel aggressive and nervous when someone is running late to meet you? Do you have a hard time relaxing during physical intimacy? Impatience pushes people away. Everyone has a personal “speed.” Don’t get agitated if your date takes a long time to tell a story or if he/she walks more slowly than you. Find a way to honor their pace.

4. Compulsive helpfulness. Ladies, can you let your guy open the refrigerator without feeling the need to rush over and offer to cook them something? Sometimes people can get too helpful and it becomes annoying. Let him have his own experiences of the fridge without smothering him with offers of service. It makes you seem needy and anxiously insecure. Real men can do for themselves, and actually prefer if you let them do things for you. Trust that he is fine without your help and that he will ask if he needs something.

 Are you guilty of any of these behaviors? Do you find any of them particularly annoying?

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