This very important blog comes from therapist Jodi the Hopefull Romantic , who shares two tips/reminders for everyone going through the online dating experience.
We have all been there. One minute you are calmly scanning your newest matches, weighing their interests and hobbies against your own and the next you find yourself screaming at your computer screen, wondering how the stranger in the photo before you could be ignoring you once again. This is when you need to get a grip.
Online dating certainly has many perks, but only if you stay calm and rational. Here’s how:
1. Remember, until you meet in person, nothing is real.
I once corresponded with Mr. Considerate for weeks. He politely asked me out and confirmed our date days in advance. Finally, I thought to myself, a real gentleman.
His online photos validated my predictions. They were filled with pictures of him and his nieces and nephews (this was before I caught on that everybody posts pictures filled with their adorable extended family members, and if they do not have such family members, they borrow them for their online photos), and he stressed in his profile how he always treats women with kindness and respect.
Without ever meeting him, I believed it. That is, until Mr. Considerate stood me up.
I learned the hard way to never fantasize a person’s character or intentions until you get to know them. And you have to step away from the computer in order to do that.
2. Don’t take it personally.
Rejection hurts. There is no lessening the pain upon hearing the dreaded “It’s not you, it’s me” speech or spotting your ex out with his newest plus one. At first, I found the worst kind of rejection was being dismissed in cyber land, based solely on my profile and pictures.
I agonized over each photo, wondering if had I appeared a bit taller or a tad blonder, Mr. Hunk on the Internet would have responded more favorably to me. Then I consulted with a male friend, also partaking in the online pursuit of love. He admitted that a woman who is 5’4 would warrant a message far sooner than if her demographics listed her as 5’3. Also, she needed to be in a very specific age range and bonus points for being a red head.
I thought he was crazy until I realized that I have been taking the same sort of process of elimination odds so personally and letting strangers determine if I was up to par. You may never know why someone glances over your advances … they may be in a relationship, they may discriminate against brunettes or they may just not be for you. Either way, they probably made their decision to pass by your profile in less than a minute. Do not give them any more of your precious time than that.
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