Having a Fairytale Relationship…In Your Head

November 28, 2012

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dreaming about a relationship Having a Fairytale Relationship...In Your HeadThis blog was sent over to me, along with the question: What would you tell the woman who constructed this fairytale relationship, completely in her mind?

In case you don’t feel compelled to read it, the short version is that a woman was very infatuated with a man she barely new – even to the point where she daydreamed about their dates, fairytale romance – and eventual storybook wedding. She was shocked back to reality when she ran into him and he walked by her without any acknowledgment whatsoever.

I think many of us can relate to this story on different levels. It’s fun to imagine a great romance, as long as you don’t become so consumed with it that you miss the other potential suitors who could be passing by.

I also feel it’s always important to move forward and not dwell too much on the past. I would tell her, “Yes, you got caught up in the illusion of who this person was. You learned that he wasn’t real. It probably stung a bit. The best thing to do now is to learn from the experience.”

What could she do in the future that would likely be much better for her?

 Daydream all you like – but know the difference between that and reality.

 If you are interested in someone, ask them out for coffee. Don’t assume they are spectacular and perfect until you get to know them and they show you who they really are.

 Know that you are valuable and deserve all great things in life – including a REAL romance.

 He’s just a guy. There are many more of them out there. And guess what? You can have a real relationship with one of them – which will likely be much more interesting and fulfilling.

Believe you will find your prince charming, but just know that he will also likely have many flaws. Just like all of us. Decide what you can and can’t live with and look for someone who aligns with your values and interests.

Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket too soon. Take it a day at a time, date several different men and just enjoy the process of getting to know them. Stay in the present moment.

I think it is important to do some self-reflection – asking yourself why you spent so much energy creating a dream romance instead of going out on real dates. Is it because you are afraid of a real-life relationship? Is it safer to pretend than open yourself up for real rejection? I feel like when we really understand ourselves, and then accept where we are – this helps us to be open to the next chapter. I am always a big proponent of therapy as well, which often will guide us through the process of self-discovery, repair and healing.

Hope this helps and please let us know what advice you would also have for her!

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