Our friends at Divine Caroline had a fascinating chat with “Miss Advised” headliner and matchmaker Amy Laurent, who shares some solid relationship advice and stories from the dating trenches. We’ve heard her tips are so good, some people have even considered plastering their walls with the wisdom that follows!
On women being passive in relationships:
Amy says: Women like this (ahem, I know the type…) find it far easier and less scarier to apply themselves in their career arenas. They become focused, intentional, and super confident in their skills to succeed in order to thrive in their given professions.
Now, to put yourself out there in dating takes a lot more moxy, in my opinion. A lot of it includes elements out of your control. From not knowing what the other person is thinking or thinking you aren’t “good enough” can be outright terrifying. It takes bravery to date, and confidence in knowing who you are and not losing yourself into the falsehood that if someone rejects you, it means there is something wrong with you.
This is the most common fear that single women have, which makes them go temporarily stupid and lose their balance when they meet someone they like. Of course, when a woman meets someone ugly or she’s not attracted to, she’s in the driver’s seat and is completely in control. This feeling of confidence and knowing one’s own worth should be existent and present at all times; whether you are with George Clooney or George Castanza (No offense, Jason Alexander, I love ya!).
So this is why you see completely competent, secure career women sometimes become shriveled up meek and insecure daters who completely mess it up. There’s a lot on the line now. It’s their feelings and vulnerability that isn’t present when they are going after their careers in their superwoman costume (which includes one great lasso and some pretty smokin’ red boots.)
This issue is one of the very reasons for writing my handy guide 8 Weeks to Everlasting, by the way. It’s not always taught to us clearly and addressed by women. The problem or obstacles can easily be corrected.
So what about those crucial first eight weeks of a relationship?
Amy says: These are the make-it or break-it days of a lasting relationship. More often times than not, this is the stage where so many can mess up a potentially amazing thing with someone because they got insecure, overanalyzed, jumped the gun or acted irrationally. Of course, everyone loves the stage where they can let their hair down as they know they are about to become girlfriend/boyfriend. The first 8 weeks from when he says “hello” and asks you out for the first time is the toughest, most strenuous stage for many women to master. And it’s their only roadblock that separates them from having good relationships, to failed ones.
On common dating mistakes women make:
Amy says: Women like someone. They start overanalyzing. They start obsessing, instead of remaining cool and calm, they allow themselves to fling their emotions head on into this person, instead of remaining open yet pacing themselves. They cancel plans with friends and jump to his feet as soon as he calls — instead of staying busy and letting him plan around her. They send him 5 texts in a row. Oh, the list goes on and on…
On creating your own list of love goals:
Amy says: Have you ever heard of the notion that when you write things down, they typically become more real and thus, in turn more apt to come true? Life & professional goals are taught to be written down, so why should this not include love goals? That being said, don’t even think about making it a long laundry list. This isn’t about drawing up a perfect man or women and having him/her come down made-to-order from outer space. Trust me, your perfect person can come in a FEW different variations so don’t even go there! So Instead of 20-50 things including “tall, brunette, wears suits” – try narrowing your list to 10-15 of the most important traits in a person that you can see spending your life with.