Comments on: ‘I want a relationship but…I HAVE to Maintain Friendships With My Exes.’ http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2012/07/19/i-want-a-relationship-buti-have-to-maintain-friendships-with-my-exes/ eHarmony experts’ take on dating, relationships and the science of love Mon, 11 Mar 2013 14:53:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: Kim http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2012/07/19/i-want-a-relationship-buti-have-to-maintain-friendships-with-my-exes/#comment-11587 Kim Sun, 14 Oct 2012 15:13:49 +0000 http://www.eharmony.ca/blog/?p=11469#comment-11587 So I am with Madison on this one. I am friends with some of my exes, close friends in some cases and no matter how I met them or what our relationship was at the beginning they are just friends now, and for most, it has been YEARS since we were together and nothing has happened in the interim nor has anything ever happened with any of my exes that I became friends with. I am also close friends with the mother of one of my exes is that OK? one of my exes has even become a women since we dated years ago, can I be friends with her? the way I see it is these are my friends, plan and simple, I wouldn’t want to be with a man who expects me to give up my friendships no matter how I met them. Oddly enough most guys I have dated have had more problems with my best friend who is a strait guy but who I have never dated in the 16 years of our friendship. Most guys seem more worried because I haven’t tried being with him to find out it wouldn’t work, but dose that mean I am only allowed to be friends with women or gay men? at some point the person you are with has to trust that you are with them and that your friends are just your friends. I am still friend with people I met in school, does that mean I am living in the past because my relationship with them started in a different time? No, it means that our relationships have evolved over time and we have grown together. and I can see someone thinking I have low self esteem if I was maintaining friendships with people that were cruel or abusive to me but not if I have relationships with people that were always kind to me. why do I have to have bad self esteem to continue to be friends with people that I got along well with, just because we decided that we didn’t want to continue a romantic relationship doesn’t mean we didn’t get along or we are still secretly pinning for each other after 10 years. I am more worried about the self-esteam level of the people who are so worried there partner is going to cheat that they don’t want them to have friendships with member of the opposite sex.

]]> By: mindy grace http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2012/07/19/i-want-a-relationship-buti-have-to-maintain-friendships-with-my-exes/#comment-11585 mindy grace Sat, 22 Sep 2012 12:46:41 +0000 http://www.eharmony.ca/blog/?p=11469#comment-11585 I met a man on eHarmony and we dated for a year and 4 months. Thought it would be a success story. We were great together, travelled around, took part in each other’s family gatherings, holiday get-togethers etc., however, early on I found out he was very much in touch with his ex. This made it difficult for me to trust him especially because when I was not available they would go to dinners etc. and constantly texted each other…’work stuff’. He justified it and even said he would not let her go and lose both of us if he and I were to break-up. It sounded to me that he wouldn’t put efforts for us to work yet he would do anything to protect that ‘friendship’ even if it meant breaking up with me. He said I was ‘the one’, introduced me to family etc., but never to this ex and suggested it was irrelevant because he was not connected with her as much as when we first met. I later found text exchanges and the tension became too much that the relationship had to end. I think the reason for connecting to a line of exes etc. is lack of confidence in oneself with a new relationship, lack of commitment, boundaries and being codependent. Depending on the reason for a break-up I think it can be comforting to remain friends-no hard feelings. It can also be lack of morals and poor character. Lack of confidence can lead someone to want attention from everywhere to feel good. It is also comfortable to have someone when lonely and if things don’t work out with the new person but unfortunately people don’t realize this could be the one thing that jeopardizes relationships. I had been in this situation before and the guy said they had an understanding with an ex to be intimate but if they find dates they would have to end things but supposedly the ex was finding it hard to let him go. He begged, cried and swore on his mother’s life he would cut ties but later I found out he was still in touch and our relationship had to end. The relationship was also unpleasant because of broken trust. I don’t think it is necessary to maintain friendships with exes unless there are children involved, otherwise resolve your feeling and move on or try to make things work if you are that close. If a new partner is okay with that then good but if not, part of loving someone is trying to understand them and avoid things that would hurt them or make them uncomfortable and when trust is taken out of the equation it can be a rough ride bound to end quickly and sometimes painfully

]]> By: Jeff http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2012/07/19/i-want-a-relationship-buti-have-to-maintain-friendships-with-my-exes/#comment-11573 Jeff Wed, 01 Aug 2012 04:09:35 +0000 http://www.eharmony.ca/blog/?p=11469#comment-11573 “She wants to maintain close friendships with SIX ex-lovers? What person is going to be okay with that?”

I would be. If I didn’t trust her not to cheat, I’d object to one. But if I do trust her, who cares how many?

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