I love when I can find solid dating advice from a sixteenth-century scholar. It reminds me that despite the modern world we live in, people haven’t really changed much on a fundamental level. We can still gossip too much, brag too much or be way too self-involved. These extremely wise tips come from Erasmus, and were written in 1500 A.D. I found them on Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project (love her!).
These were actually written for children, but apply to those dating and in relationships (or not, they’re just great reminders for how to be a good person).
Thou shall not:
1. Gossip. Can you imagine if you were on a first date and the guy was already dishing about his friends or family? Yuck. Gossiping about anyone at anytime, honestly, just makes the other person think: “Hmmm…so what are you saying about me behind my back?”
2. Tell Unkind Stories. Finding amusement in other’s misfortunes is never a good thing. Sharing their mishaps is even worse.
3. Boast. Bragging is often a sign of insecurity. Avoid it at all costs.
4. Indulge in Self-Display. There is nothing more attractive than someone who can be subtle and modest. This is the kind of person who truly has it goin’ on.
5. Seek to Defeat Others in an Argument. Ah, the need to win or be right. Where does it get you? Often times…alone. This is something I admit needing to work on!
6. Interrupt People When They Tell a Story. Letting others talk, and really listening, is an underrated but amazing quality.
7. Be Too Inquisitive. Some people are comfortable sharing lots of details about their personal lives. Others take more time to reveal themselves. Recognizing this, and giving someone the respect to go at their own pace, is a very wise dating trait. Pushy = turn-off!
Which of these traits is most important to you? Which are you guilty of most?
Grant Langston — Vice President, Content and Customer Experience
Jeannie Assimos, — Director of Content
Marni Battista — Relationship Expert
Monique A Honaman — Author
Dr. Seth Meyers — Licensed clinical psychologist
Sarah Schmermund, M.A. — M.A.
I have found too very disturbing trends in the relatively short period of time that I have been dating.
Lack of fundamental hygiene
There are always times when physiologically, we’re not at our best, but I have noticed the disturbing trend of meeting women who have a disturbing lack of good physical hygiene. It is offensive that someone would even consider meeting someone for the first time and being physically dirty.
Treating someone as a resource
i have found nothing to be as offensive as the lack of good social graces. Asking questions in depth about my income, investments, property owned, monthly salary and savings is not only rude, it is a red flag about an individual who is either a predator or a mercenary — and are clearly to be avoided. Preoccupation with an individual’s financial resources is proof that an individual is only dating for what benefits them in the relationship: they are clearly not engaged in matters of the heart.