Comments on: How I Would Prevent a Guy From Cheating…

By: anonomus

anonomus — Sat, 02 Jun 2012 17:39:42 +0000

Then why may I ask are you on a dating site if you are in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship???

By: anonymous

anonymous — Mon, 28 May 2012 12:05:32 +0000

As a wife of 26 years who was victim to this I can say that all the heartache and pain brought to myself and my children can heal. 3 years later he has women galore but his self respect and reputation in our community leaves him lonely. it affected his business as well for if one isn’t moral in one’s personal life the assumption is there would be easy to be unethical in business.

By: Anonymous #2

Anonymous #2 — Fri, 25 May 2012 03:46:10 +0000

Have 2 things that relate to this artice:
I have been the “Other Woman”,
Have a friend who was cheated on…still in a bad marriage….

Other Woman- he was married, I told him this was not a good idea….I was single mom, kid grown, told him that he had more to loose than I did and to think about that…. did not do any good he kept working at getting a relationship…Finally I just gave in,but reinforced the statement ” you have more to loose”. We had a great 4 years…and then one day he came home and wife approached him on the subject…from then on his friends, family, kids looked at him differently. He did get a divorce….I left the situation.. never wanted to get married again anyway, had told him that, and would not marry him…Why??? well because , like you said , once you get away with it ….. you do it again..and I would not stand for that…

Other: Friends husband cheats on her… they have 2 small children, he leaves for awhile, they argue, he comes back home because he is afraid of the children not having a family life style. (??) she never trust him again..he has to answer to any time he is a few minutes late… he is an alcohlic and she is a bitter woman….. but still married….. go figure????

By: retred

retred — Sun, 20 May 2012 03:06:14 +0000

never mind him sitting accross from you having a drink…..Hes in the other room gazing at porn when you walk in and catch him in the act. Thats cheating at it s height. She doesn’t have to be real or even have a real conversation with him the fact that he would LUST after another woman is cheating. Guys don’t won’t to admit this truth but its truth and they know it. Plain and simple…so Man up delete the porn and imagine how happy and excited and I mean excited to know that you deeply love and adore your wife how she would not be able to wait to drag you in the bedroom and pleasure you till you begged her to stop… and amoung other things maybe she would be open to try new things because she knew you loved her and only wanted to be with her how the magic would happen!!! He or she would never want to cheat…just a thought thats where it starts!!!

By: Ellie

Ellie — Wed, 16 May 2012 18:48:57 +0000

I found the article to be quite optimistic, but I have serious doubts that these tactics would ever sway any man toward loyalty. Its missing one key factor: for this to work, he would have to consider the needs and feelings of his wife and children to be equally important to his wants and ego. How often does tbat actually happen? The comments made on this thread by men are a pretty clear indicator of imbalance of need priority.
A good friend explained male cheating better than anyone else. “the its kinda hard to rough up your wife and treat her like a dirty whore without having to hear about it for months on end. The other woman is desperate enough to suffer through anything you wanna do to her, and then you can just delete her voicemails without ever hearing a word of it.”
Sadly, he is right. Its about HIS feelings of inadequacy and HIS need to boost his own ego. Same reason men like sex to be so cruel and brutal. He needs to hurt someone to feel better about himself.

By: Sadie

Sadie — Wed, 16 May 2012 05:34:15 +0000

This all rings true and yes, I am a survivor of a cheater. He’s still in denial about the whole thing?! I did the whole fight, took him to a marriage retreat once I discovered the “friendship”. We did marriage counseling weekly for over three months, individual counseling too. He never emotionally showed up for our marriage sessions, though. Eventually our marriage counselor, after 3+ long months, stated we should stop wasting her time, our time, and our money until we were both ready to put both feet in. He refused from day one to give up his friendship as he didn’t see why he should have too, it was emotional infidelity if not more, which I’ll never really know the truth. It destroyed a 17 year relationship. We have 3 boys and I hate to think what it’s done to them long term. I was the one who finally broke down and filed for divorce. I did all the paperwork myself as he was dragging this on and on, I walked away devastated! It was bad enough that he has yet to take responsibility but then to say he wasn’t to this point yet only poured salt into an already painful wound. Telling me he wasn’t sure that he loved me, the other woman in his words, “is smart and pretty and our age.” BTW she is 10 years younger!! The amazing power of the Internet! Yes cheaters hurt so many people, kids, extended family, friends, neighbors etc. It’s a mess and it hurts but I am learning that the most important thing to remember is that this is an end to one chapter in our books of life and the next chapter will be so much better.

By: Steve

Steve — Wed, 16 May 2012 02:03:17 +0000

I totally agree with and can personally relate to #6. I cheated only one time on my now-ex wife and although she didn’t find out (or at least I think she didn’t), the cancer was in me. I consciously (and subconsciously) lost respect for myself and over time it eroded and destroyed my marriage.

By: Kristi

Kristi — Wed, 16 May 2012 02:01:32 +0000

Diana I love what you said about cherishing your family every day if you are lucky enough to have a family and someone you love to share it with. I was the woman that was cheated on and it hurts more than anything in this world. Even though I am now a single mom I am happier knowing that I no longer have to live with someone that did respect me enough to be faithful to me and the vows we made to each other.

By: Steve

Steve — Wed, 16 May 2012 00:09:29 +0000

ASG: Sorry about your loss. Please do see the Steve comment below:

Perhaps a renegotiation of the relationship is in order. There is a good book “the dawn of sex” that theorizes and presents evidence that our ancestors were not monogamous. Monogamy appears to be a religious mandate that almost all cultures have adopted and perhaps it warrants revisiting….and what is jealousy anyway? and honest look will uncover it is just fear turned outward. Why would you not want your spouse to have sex with someone else? Down deep it is probably because of your own insecurities and you don’t want them leaving you or someone else. Really look. We don’t do this with any other activity. Tennis for example. It is probably ok for your spouse to play tennis with anyone. What if you ignored the concept of fear and were whole and complete yourself? Then would it matter if your spouse had sex with someone else? of course not. Safety concerns aside (and appropriate measures can be made there).

ASG’s comment above is a perfect example of how we let religious dogma and or cultural BS run our lives. Some are so committed to dogma that they will shot themselves in the head (or how ever he did it). What if they could have gotten the fear/jealously concept I discussed above. They both could have been happy (maybe even stayed married…if everyone could have dealt with their own shit … instead of making the other wrong). This is basic basic personal development concepts.

LET GO of your conditioning. You don’t have to be a slave to it anymore. Your attachment to it is LEARNED and you have been BRAINWASHED. Simple logic and deduction will show you that!

ASG: I am sorry about your loss. I would not blame this on his actions. I would advise you to look at your own issues as in the end that’s all there is. Forgiveness is a wonderful tool….so is not taking anything personally.

By: karen

karen — Tue, 15 May 2012 22:45:57 +0000

I have been the ‘cheated on wife’ by a man who still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He tried to rationalize it by saying ‘seducing married men is a sport to some women’ and ‘as long as it happened away from our hometown and if no one, (including me)found out, he wasn’t hurting anyone’. I wish he would just own up to it and apologize. The kids don’t need to know all the details but to act like ‘mom blew the whole thing out of proportion’ makes him look ridiculous. Believe me, plenty of people got hurt and it devastated our finances too. And he says I should have stayed with him because there are a lot of marriages worse than ours. Hello? great logic. No thanks.