Our guest blogger today is Talk Show Host/Advice Columnist/YourTango contributor Susan McCord – who has some tough words about the ever-popular “taking a break” syndrome.
What the heck does “We are taking a break in our relationship” really mean? So many people are doing it today & how do they get away with it? It is the same as having your cake & eating it too ~ you may as well cut off a big piece & spoon feed it to them!
This is the insincere person’s way of ending a relationship, because they don’t want to be alone right away. They want to be able to lean on you when they can & keep their options open. Both sexes initiate this scenario today, especially in the twenty-something crowd. Wouldn’t it be better to stay single & date rather than have to hurt someone in this manner? It is not a nice place to be as it is seldom reciprocated.
What are the reasons for couples to want to take a break?
• They are easing into a full-time breakup.
• It can be used as a threatening tool to get something more out of the relationship that they are not receiving.
• It allows more nights out with friends or separate vacations.
• Stalls the marriage discussions.
• Trying to keep them interested by being evasive & playing hard to get.
• Being more in control
Ultimately taking a break means the relationship is over. If you are bored, or have fallen out of love, what is a break going to do? You can’t force yourself to love them? If you take a break & then end up getting married down the road, it usually ends up in divorce because the same problems are still there that always have been. People do not change that much.
What does this “Break” entail?
• Are you allowed to ”hook up” with others?
• Do you see each other at all?
• How long is it for? Is there a set time limit?
This scenario is not a good situation to fall into. You are temporarily on hold to see if they can find someone better than you. There is a chance that they may “settle for you” if nothing comes along but will you ever feel good about that? Don’t ever put yourself number two. If a relationship is right, it really isn’t that much work. When two people really love each other they want to be together. They are not happy being apart.
What do you think about taking a break? Has it ever worked for you or anyone you know – or is it always a good predictor of the more permanent breakup?