I don’t know about the men out there, but we ladies definitely tend to get ahead of ourselves when we meet someone who looks extra promising. I loved the question this Advice user asked, which was essentially: How many of you tend to get carried away with a guy you just started talking to (or just met)? Are you already picturing the walk down the aisle? And how does one control such thoughts and not get way ahead of themselves?
I love this topic because I am betting that most of us (especially in our younger years) have had similar thoughts. This is what I would say in response to her:
1. While it is great to be optimistic, it is crucial to be realistic. It takes a lot of time to really know someone. People reveal themselves over time, and they are always going to show you their best sides initially. This is not a bad thing – but it is so important to keep this in perspective as you meet anyone new. The best answer to “Is he the one?” is “Time will tell.”
2. The best way to not get ahead of yourself is to consciously live life in the present. Be fully engaged in the moments happening right now. When that part of your brain starts getting carried away with fantasies about the future, reel it back in and tell yourself – let’s stay in today and focus on what is happening right now. The more aware we are about what is happening currently the better.
Never beat yourself up for having any of these kinds of thoughts – after all, they are just thoughts! Remaining balanced in the face of a new, exciting romance can be challenging. But it’s worth it for your well-being at the end of the day.
What have you learned along the way that helps keeps things (and your feelings) in perspective?
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Dr. Seth Meyers — Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Sarah Schmermund, M.A. — M.A.
This is so true! I’m extremly guilty of this, I usually just tell myself to calm down and then think to myself that the guy I’m dating is probably dating more women than just me and that reels me back to reality!
LIKE THE COMMENT AND IT IS SOOO TRUE. WE LADIES HAVE TO ACT NORMAL AND NOT NEEDY. MEN HATE THAT.
BUT WE ALSO NEED TO LIVE IN “REALITY” AND BE POSITIVE.
THERE ARE ALWAYS SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE
Id just like to say,i read alot on how women should know how to hold on too there men.Well i believe that men should be the ones too learn how to treat women with respect,and learn how to hold on too women,after all were the ones who births them here on earth,and alot are nothing but looser /boozers.So men out there should be grateful too have women who care and all for them and please have respect for us women.
I’ve found that having authentic friendships with others keep me grounded. I can have real conversations, discuss the pros and the cons, and evaluate my thoughts and actions with them. I trust their judgement and value their opinion. Many times they remind me everyone seems great at the beginning. Also, I should try to gain deeper understanding in those initial conversations.