Our guest blogger today is the insightful Renee Fisher, author of the brand-new ‘Not Another Dating Book’.
It is no surprise I am a former eHarmony subscriber – I was hardcore about meeting someone, and learned a few things along the way, like how to tell the difference between a relationship worth pursuing and a relationship better left alone. Here are three important questions I’ve learned to ask myself to help me discern the keepers from the posers.
1.Is he ready?
There are two types of guys (or girls) online. The first is looking for love in all the right places. He may not have the best job, or like where he’s at in life–but he’s ready and willing to share life with someone. This guy has guts — like Jerry. That’s not his real name, but it is for the purpose of this blog. Jerry owns a nice yellow sports car, lives in a three-bedroom condo, and works hard at his government job. As soon as he initiated contact with me, I knew he meant business. He messaged me first. After we exchanged phone numbers, he wasted no time asking me out for our first time. I never had to guess with him. We dated awhile, and I enjoyed the fact that there was a guy out there who was ready to be in a committed relationship. Even though our personalities didn’t jive well in the end, it was nice to be treated like a lady.
The second guy, however, is full of it—hot air, that is. His fancy words come up empty as you seek to move from open communication to meaningful conversation. If you even make it to the first date, you’ve learned all there is to know about him. This guy has no surprises. He’s not ready to woo a woman—yet. That was Pierre. He also owns a sports car and is the manager of a company. At first, he seems gentlemanly and responsible. However, after our dinner date, I found his conversation turned sexual pretty quick. He asked me to come back to his place and that’s when I knew he was dating with only one agenda in mind. It wasn’t even his condo—it belongs to his ex-fiancé, although he has no plans of moving out soon. It was the most awkward date ever!
2. What kind of woman is he looking for and what are his deal-breakers?
Even though the process of going through the must-haves and can’t-stands goes pretty quickly—this should be the most important step. Ask him, or observe, what he’s looking for. It will help clue you into what kind of guy he really is. Is he ready or is he just looking for a hookup or an emotional connection without commitment? Sometimes this can take a little time. For example, I didn’t know when I first started talking to Pierre that most of his must-have’s were related to physical attraction, but I soon learned.
3. Do you trust your heart?
The hardest thing about online dating is you really don’t know the person. A few winks, emails, and text message can’t tell you enough about him (or her). If the guy is willing and ready to pursue, take the time to get to know him through a series of coffee, lunch, and even dinner dates. By then, you’ll know what your heart is telling you. Then comes the hard part—having the courage to follow through.
Renee Fisher, author of Not Another Dating Book (Harvest House, February 2012), met her husband after being single for more than a decade. Still in her 20’s, she enjoys blogging, hanging out with friends, and long walks on the beach. Visit her at http://www.devotionaldiva.com/.