Comments on: The ‘No Contact’ Rule

By: Renee

Renee — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 06:23:19 +0000

Beth, I am dealing with the same pain you described around having given myself. It seemed right, we seemed right. We never fought and always enjoyed our time together. I assumed he would be my husband. After 8 months, I was blindsided when he suddenly broke it off. I’ve been fighting feeling stupid, used, and other various emotions, even though everyone is telling me there’s something wrong with him, something doesn’t seem right.
Praying to get over it soon…

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 May 2012 07:32:54 +0000

Sometimes, when I’m going through struggles, I feel like I’m the only one. But now I know this is a common occurrence! I recently “mutually” ended things with a fellow because he was offered a job out of state and wasn’t finding suitable work in the area (really, though, he ended things because he decided to leave). It broke my heart that he was willing to leave our seemingly happy relationship for a job. He even said that it felt weird ending a relationship when it wasn’t a failure. We tried to stay in contact after the breakup because we were friends before, but I ended up reaching a breaking point and I couldn’t stand being just another girl in his life (that is, I wasn’t the ‘special’ girl in his life anymore). I finally told him that I would no longer be contacting him and that distance was absolutely necessary because I obviously was not as important to him as I had once thought. I have felt sad, angry and hurt, but I am finally to a point where I can actually look back on our relationship and see RED flags (he met my family and friends, but acted bored around them, and would not bring me around his friends or family; he pursued intimacy really fast in the relationship, but didn’t care much for commitment; he talked about marriage and running away together often, but again, didn’t act as though he really cared much for commitment). From what I’ve been reading, it sounds like these are common characteristics in guys that are not actually ready for commitment. And I stand by what others have said–no contact is the way to go!!! I’m probably generalizing, but these types of exes are not nearly as attached to the relationship as the other person and care mostly for themselves. I say, good riddance! And here’s to finding a less selfish guy on EH!

By: Gail

Gail — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 18:43:05 +0000

Yes! It takes two to make a relationship work and it takes two to destroy it. Relationship is a dance. You can’t tango by yourself.

By: devin

devin — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 12:47:25 +0000

The no contact rule is solid advice, but I also would assume that most people follow it anyway? I mean, do you really want to see your ex after a breakup? Most people don’t.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 15:01:54 +0000

Thank you, Martine! I’ve been struggling w/whether or not to contact this jerk that i can’t seem to forget about. But your post helped me to see that it’ll only reinforce his overly-positive opinion of himself. Like you, i WILL get over this. You & I both deserve better

By: Denise

Denise — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:20:16 +0000

Here is a novel idea–how about having a little self-respect. Those weren’t yellow flags, they’re plain old signs of disregard and disrespect for another person’s feelings. What does she want to ask him? “why did you use me and treat me like crap?” Here’s a possible response “because you were so happy to let me”
Closure–he closed the door in your face more than once, now he’s locked it. Grow a set and move on.

By: rinna

rinna — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:49:28 +0000

There was serious miscommunication with my ‘ex’. I thought he let me go. He thought I let him go. Finally I contacted him and he didn’t hate me. Anyway the no contact rule works. I fell out of love with him, which is the only way I ever could have recontacted him! It broke my heart when he disappeared and I never thought I would be able to reach back out to him. Come to find out, he thought I had disappeared on him. Go figure.

By: C girl

C girl — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:04:34 +0000

It takes as long as it takes to get over someone, but the main thing is that we learn our lesson and hopefully do better next time around!

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:35:22 +0000

Closure comes from yourself, not others. You give yourself permission to move on and let go of the past. “Oh, that relationship is now in my past..I can let go of it, and it’s OK for me to do that.” Your happiness does not depend on someone else. It’s up to you.

By: Just being me

Just being me — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 05:21:22 +0000

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

C girl –
That is such wonderful advise! I just wish I could go back in time and kick some sense into myself for what I allowed to happen.

I made him my top priority. Practically everything I did and planned for was focused around him. I am so very thankful he kicked me to the curb BEFORE I gave up my job and moved just to be closer to him. I don’t know how I would have dealt with that.

There’s supposedly 5 levels of grief (The emotional response to losing something) 1-Denial, 2-Anger, 3-Bargaining, 4-Depression, 5-Acceptance.

http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

Although the site mainly focuses on death and dying, a loss is anything that we held dear to us. And the loss of a relationship is in a sense a death.

I found it interesting that I have experienced all the emotions and still fall back occaisionally to the depression or anger level. Yesterday I caught myself feeling a little depressed. Today I was very angry at times if I caught myself thinking about him. It was probly a good thing he didn’t contact me today….he wouldn’t have survived it!!! lol =)