The ‘No Contact’ Rule

December 22, 2011

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109842872 218x300 The No Contact RuleI was just reading about a struggling single woman on our site, who was dating a guy for about 6 months, realized that it wasn’t going to turn into something more, and they split.

The relationship she described screamed “red flags” at almost every turn. He had met all of her friends and family, but he kept her away from his. (If that isn’t a sign he isn’t serious about you, I don’t know what is.)

When it came to “talk,” he was great – but never followed through with any actions.

He would be open/affectionate with her when they were away together, but as soon as they returned to town he would go back to his uptight self.

He was also rarely available and wouldn’t move plans to accommodate her.

Fortunately, she did see the light and they decided to part ways. Her question now (6 months later) … is should she contact him to get some closure? She is still having trouble getting over the relationship.

I think you know what my answer will be … a huge, giant, flashing N-O-O-O! She has been on such a great path of trying to get on with her life, exercising, dating – I would encourage her to not go backwards and open that door. It will very likely be painful and lead nowhere.

He has not contacted her once since the split – and that speaks volumes.

I think sometimes we get stuck on the one that got away, especially in this case because she never felt like she really “had him” 100%. As hard as it is, we all have to realize that it just isn’t about us and any shortcomings that we have – but rather their issues. He obviously had other things going on behind the scenes and wasn’t available. Case closed.

If only it were that easy!? My hope for her is that she stays away – and the feelings will eventually fade. I can guarantee that.

What would your advice be to her?

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