I am now very happy with my life and am excited where my future is going….for the better. I have learned to respect myself much more by making myself happy and learning why men behave the way they do.

If you are strong woman at the beginning, and you lose yourself within a relationship like this, you will be strong again once you realise your worth.

If not, you will still grow from it when you realise YOU ARE worthy of being happy and treated well WITH respect.

If a man cannot respect you he is not worth your time…. Your time is valuable and you cannot waste more time on someone who cannot see you for who you are and cares about you.

Its very important in the healing process to get as much positive support as possible. I found a very good Dr who helped me to see the situation ( or more reassure me) for what it was. My health was more important than this man. My happiness and future were at stake if I continued with my daughters father. A very difficult decision but it had to be done.

I am 2 and half years into this breakup and even though i have dated and been with some men, for my enjoyment in my freedom, I do still have reservations about men especially when they hook me in.

I have seen a psychologist for anxiety and depression that I have experienced over the many years and she is currently doing a fabulous job in getting me back on track.

I am about to start studying and do what I want to do for my life, reach the goals (new goals) i want to achieve for myself and my children. I am happy were I am. Of course I would love to have someone special in my life but until then I have to keep moving forward.

I want to encourage and support all women out there that have been through so much with men that it leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

Not all men are like that. There are good ones… keep believing in yourself and what you deserve and believe there is someone out there for you who WILL treat you well.

I recently met with a friend from my previous work and I understand fully the situation, he is 20 yrs old, but I still cannot separate myself from feelings that may not be there for him. I let it go….. I flow with it but let it go. As my pychologist says, when we feel we have no control we get anxious. And anxiety leads to more distress.

If he is interested…so be it. He will contact me. But I still have to remember to remain strong and continue with my life and not be distracted by chemicals in my mind playing with me or the men that show interest but lack committment to keep things flowing….

The two important things I have learned is communication and respect. If you dont have those coming from your man then he may not be worth it.

The 20 yr old shows those signs but Im not keeping my hopes up. I have my life and he has his….whatever happens, happens. But I will try my hardest to stay true to myself and what I deserve.

Instead of putting so much energy and focusing so much of your emotions on a man, turn it around to yourself. Love Yourself first. Love Your Life First. Then maybe love will come to you. Super confidence in yourself and knowing that nothing is impossible is the key to happiness. But remember everybody has flaws and its knowing the difference between flaws and the psychology of a narcissistic man.

I no longer will chase a man. Let a man chase you. And don’t let him know your hooked too much or too soon. Let him tell you first.

Women need to learn more about men and be smart about it. Otherwise they will be taken full advantage of and if he loves seeing you hurt, it will not stop. You have to put a stop to the hurting and and start healing yourself for someone who does deserve you and will treat you with the real love and respect you need.

If it doesn’t feel right. It probably isn’t. Trust your instincts.

All the best of love and happiness to you all.

He pursued me for 8 months as we were best friends. I loved him back, but I was scared of upsetting a mutual gay friend who was secretly in love with this narcissist. He loved getting our attention and desire. Finally, our gay friend found a boyfriend and stopped obsessing over our guy. We got together, fell in love, bt then after a few months, more RED FLAGS. He still flirted and drank and made little time for me. He started putting me down for putting up with him. He made fun of his friends who were whipped. WOW. He actually LOST respect for me for LOVING him. So why did I love him? He was more beautiful, funny, taller, younger, smarter, weirder, alternative than the men I see in our county. On his hot days, he would make small efforts, what I call crumbs. But I ate those crumbs up hoping it was a sign. Lately, I have started dating nicer, shorter, less handsome, less educated men than him. It sucks to compare, but at least they are treating me how I want to be treated. It is HIS loss. I know. But I am the one who is suffering. I doubt he even notices I am gone. The troubling thing is my need for validation. When I see him at my work talking to a much fatter or uglier girl or dumber, I think why is he doing that?! Last sad note, I do feel like I wasted my three last fertile years with my HOT/ COLD man because we are also in our late thirties. We have kids from previous marriage, but you know we both fantasized about having one more together. I know I dodged a bullet, but I really can’t bare to think of him having a baby with someone else, someone younger, someone he doesn’t love the way he loved me. IT SUCKS!

I eventually met a guy who initially gave me the security and trust I had lacked in my marriage. He was so willing to lavish attention and affection on me that it was a little overwhelming at first. We weren’t just companions…we became best friends. I had finally found someone who was emotionally there….Or at least I thought I had.

6 months into the relationship we expressed our feelings to one another on a Sunday morning at his apartment. I remember him looking at me with such sincerity in his eyes and admitting to being scared. That just made me love him that much more. But from that day on he began distancing himself emotionally as well as physically from me with no explanation why… just feeble excuses as to why he wasn’t as available as he had been. To make a long story short…3 months later, after living with the hot/cold treatment, I broke off all contact with him, and I haven’t heard from him since.

When I first met this guy he told me he had been married and divorced 3 times, all being the wives fault and him leaving them. He admitted to refusing marriage counseling. Although he constantly bragged about how close he was to his children, I found it odd that none of them spent father’s day with him….rather they spent it with other family members. I eventually found out he left his last wife shortly after their first child was born, but came back about a year later. He was raised by his grandparents from age 8 because his mother’s new husband didn’t want to raise him. His biological father disappeared shortly after his birth and didn’t have anything to do with him until he was in his 20′s. His explanation of his grandparents love and effection to him and to each other was “conditional”…. He also admitted to having self esteem issues.
WHY IN THE HECK DIDN’T I SEE THESE WARNING SIGNS WHEN I FIRST MET HIM?????
This guy had worse abandonment issues then my ex husband!!! And all the signs were there!!! I just didn’t see them or was foolish enough to think he had healed from his past.
My life and relationship with him was darn near perfect during those first 6 months, but it suddenly changed when it became more serious. And instead of severing the relationship, he left me waiting, wondering and hoping for another 3 months.
I’m not excusing his behavior, but at least I have a better understanding of him and myself. I was thoroughly convinced it was all my fault as to why he was acting as he was. Those final 3 months showed me his lack of emotional stability and maturity, his inability to be there emotionally for anyone. His emotional issues will always prevent him from having a decent relationship with anyone.
It also taught me ALOT about myself. Some of which I’m alittle concerned about.

Anyway, thanks for allowing me to share.

I feel for all of you that say you have spent time in what YOU considered to be a committed relationship with a man who easily turned from HOT TO COLD.

Not only did I spend time with one, I Married One! And for 14 years, I spent time thinking “If I only loved him more, If I only did more for him, If I was even more understanding” that he would eventually realize what we could have together & he would value me & give me what I needed emotionally. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!! HE WAS NOT & IS NOT CAPABLE OF SUSTAINING AN EMOTIONAL RELATIONSHIP! Don’t kid yourself, you will never have what you need from him. But, if there are children involved, you will not be the only one to suffer. My son is now 26; he’s in rehab for the 3 time for alcoholism/heroine addiction. My daughter is now 23 & was diagnosed at 21 with fibromyalgia. Both, still are unable to have a normal relationship with their father.

YOU may feel like you are completely & totally in love with him, but this will be an ongoing heartbreak in your life, your the rest of your life, if you commit to such a person. YOU CAN’T FIX ANYONE ELSE. Even if he wants a relationship, he won’t be able to SUSTAIN A RELATIONSHIP. Look elsewhere!