I know I sound like a broken record (in my own head) but I feel like I am always telling various friends, “It takes time for someone to really reveal who they are. Give it six months and then see how it is going.”
I’ve seen it happen over and over again. A close pal starts dating someone who they claim is just perfect. “I can’t ever imagine us arguing, he is the most amazing guy ever.” Sure! I remember naively thinking things like that in my early twenties, but that’s another story.
I’ve also had friends meet and move in with someone within several months – waaaaay too quick in my opinion – only to later realize this person wasn’t exactly who they portrayed themselves to be. Sometimes you can’t even get them to leave – but that’s a whole other story too!
I don’t know where this “six month rule” of thumb came from, but it really is a good one to keep in mind as you date. Do not rush into anything with anyone. Keep a bit of your heart to yourself as this new relationship unfolds.
Fact: It does take time to get to know all of the different facets of a person.
We can all put our best foot forward in the beginning – but how long can we keep that up? When life throws a curve ball at us, how do we handle it? Finding out what a person is really made of and how they deal with various obstacles and situations can only happen over a prolonged length of time. So I say sit back, relax and enjoy getting to know someone at a comfortable pace.
Have you ever met someone – only to realize later that they were not the person you thought they were?
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I don’t know about 6 months, but I do agree about taking time for things to develop. I’ve been single for 4 years and I continually meet men who present themselves one way and after a couple of months realize they aren’t who I thought they were. I started dating a guy 2 months ago who ended his marriage of 10 years a year ago now. I was apprehensive when he asked me out but when he told me that the marriage had been dead for a couple of years before they divorced, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Big mistake. This past month, I feel like I’ve been initiating everything and feeling like he’s not interested because he hasn’t given me more than 5 hours time a week for me. (Even though we both have weekends free.) I had a hunch he may have cold feet and asked for his time to have a conversation. He admitted he was interested in me and may have cold feet, but did not make time for me. Today, after trying for a week and a half to talk to him, he sent me a text message to say it was over. He took the easy way out. I think it was cowardly of him to not even try to talk things through and even more so because he didn’t have the balls to face me in person. What upsets me is that I went to the trouble of having a conversation at the very beginning to make sure we were on the same page. He insisted we were. He lied.
I think it’s sad that we have to be so cautious to protect our hearts. It’s terrible that there are so many people out there who don’t take into consideration the feelings and needs of the person they may potentially be entering into a relationship with. It’s sad that women can’t be enthusiastic when they feel they’ve met a terrific new guy because the likelihood the guy’s really a douche bag is so high. By having to protect ourselves, it makes it that much harder for the rare nice guys out there to meet nice women like us.
It’s a shame, reeally.
The truth is, you can never be 100% sure you know someone. 6 hours, 6 months, 6 years… you can easily find people who have lived with someone leading a double life for years and years. I mean, look no further than Jerry Sandusky. If he’s married, which I don’t know if he is but he’s just an example, then the wife surely didn’t know THAT about him! I thought I knew my partner so well. Turns out he concealed a lot of things for 3 years. So much for 6 months! My advice is ALWAYS to pay good attention to red flags. ALWAYS learn why their previous relationships ended (not details about the people, but the patterns). And ALWAYS have a strong set of boundaries and values.