Honesty and openness are important in any relationship – to get to know one another, to build trust in the relationship, etc. But are there times when too much honesty can hurt the relationship?
In a recent study, 104 young men and women (mean age = 20) in romantic relationships (average about 1 year) were asked to “list all the topics they avoided in their romantic relationship” (Anderson, Kunkel, & Dennis, 2010). Commonly avoided topics included:
1) Past relationships – including details about past sexual experiences (38%)
2) Controversial topics - like religion and politics (16%)
3) Relationship norms – like comfort with public displays of affection (13%)
4) Activities outside the relationship – any activity not involving the partner (13%)
5) The state of the relationship – where is this relationship headed? (11%)
Given that past relationships and past sexual experiences were at the top of the list, participants were also asked what reasons they had for avoiding that topic. Reasons were similar for men and women, and included explanations like…(click here to keep reading and find out how talking -or not talking- about these subjects can affect your relationship).
Grant Langston — Vice President, Content and Customer Experience
Jeannie Assimos, — Director of Content
Jonathan Beber, — M.A.
Marni Battista — Relationship Expert
Monique A Honaman — Author
Dr. Seth Meyers — Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Sarah Schmermund, M.A. — M.A.
I guess these topics would not matter if you were not looking for a long term relationship but if it were long term you would want to discuss some of those things at some point.
In order for you to be interesting to me, you need to be able to talk about politics AND about stuff you’re not doing with me…like other interests, etc. If we only talk about us, um…we’re going to run out of stuff to talk about really fast.
ps: The mean age of folks in this study is 20. TWENTY. I knew exactly zilch about being in good relationships when I was twenty.
104 people and average age 20?
This is absolutely useless.
I notice the mean age for this study is 20, and it shows in the results. I imagine the mean age for eH users is quite a bit older … why do they think this info is even RELEVANT to their membership base?
If your relationship is a “keeper” you should be able to discuss anything. If you can’t, then you’ve got a problem. Why can’t you discuss religion? What if you decide to get married? And after you’re married — what religious rituals will you want to continue? It’s hard to hide going to Mass every Sunday from your husband (and you shouldn’t). Why can’t you discuss activities that don’t include your partner? Do you think your partner won’t notice you’ve disappeared for the weekend? And you need to be able to discuss your relationship (what you need and want from it): you can’t meet your partner’s expectations if you don’t know what those expectations are (including PDA’s). And it helps to know why/how past relationships failed. Is there a pattern going on? Have you learned from past mistakes? Are you willing to change so your new relationship has a chance of succeeding? That list is so lame!
Past relationships are the most challenging topics, for sure!
You asked a bunch of “kids”. Of course they wouldn’t want to discuss those topics. They don’t know enough about love, relationships or life to know that those issues aren’t so “taboo”. maybe you should ask some more seasoned couples and singles what topics they feel are taboo! IJS
I agree with Trina. It would be more interesting and useful if there were the same questions ask to 30 and 40 year olds and we got to see how the topics changed as people aged.
Hey, for those upset about the age of people in the study, read the full article. The author addresses it.