Deepak Chopra is still one of my favorite authors today. Ten years ago I was introduced to his book, “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,” some of which could apply perfectly to our dating habits. If anything, this will certainly make your love life a more peaceful and less dramatic endeavor (I hope!).
#1: The Law of Giving
Adopting an attitude of giving is not only refreshing but appealing to a potential partner. Now, I am not talking lavish gifts but small tokens like compliments, saying a prayer for someone or something as simple as a flower. I think it is so sweet to focus on what you can give others, and not just about what this person is bringing to you.
#2: The Law of Karma
This is a good one. Karma can be a blessing or a bitch (no, Deepak didn’t say that). Treating everyone with honesty, kindness, respect and how you would like to be treated is so important in the fragile world that can be dating. Try it out – and see what comes back to you.
#3: The Law of Least Effort
Another biggie. Do not try to force something that isn’t there. Do not try to change another person or fit them into any sort of idealized mold. Accepting people for who they are will save you (and them) lots of grief down the road.
#4: The Law of Intention and Desire
Know what your intentions are (what you want) and stay true to your heart. This might be the most important part of this law: If things don’t work out – trust that there is a bigger reason and don’t fight the universe!
#5: The Law of Detachment
If you can practice this one – you are amazing! This one is really about staying in the moment, allowing yourself to be in a fluid place of not knowing what is next, and accepting the situation. Amen!
Do you have any personal dating mantras – things that help you through this sometimes unnerving process?
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If your dating someone a little over a month and they tell you always that their crazy about you and that they want you to move closer to their city, is it possible to scare them off by saying “I love you”?
yes. I seem to always need to hear the guy say it first. Guys take longer to mature in that emotion. But dont move for a guy unless your going for the big M … I moved to a different state and big mistake.
Hi Penny. I don’t know your entire situation, of course, but if I had someone tell me “I’m crazy about you, and I want you to move closer to my city”, I would be the one possibly scared off at this point. It is too soon to tell if this person has a harmless crush on you or if this person could soon put your personal safety at risk. As a registered nurse who has studied forensic science, I would not advise you to say “I love you” to ANY person this early in a relationship. I would advise you to Google CA District Atty. Rhonda Saunders, from whose links you can find important personal safety practices should you continue to pursue this relationship. Best of luck to you!
Penny – It is possible and I think smart to wait a little more time as you get to know more about them
Jeannie
I’m very confused. I need advice. I met a guy over a year ago. We were actually back east at a conference, but from the same city on the West coast. WE went out hit it off, but never connected when we returned. Flash forward 10months, I texted him. He immediately responded. We both talked openly how we should of could of reached out. But texted daily, and spoke once a week. He lives about 2.5hrs away. He made concious efforts to come visit me on the weekends a few times. He would always make an effort. I really like this guy, and he tells me the same thing. After all he is coming to visit me, and we are taking it slow if you know what i mean. No sex yet. He told me we will figure out how to deal with the distance thing. He told me i drive him crazy and wants to figure out how to make the distance thing work He promised… Then he goes back home the last time, and tells me again how great the weekend was. He told me the next few weeks would be busy for him, since he is studying for his board exams. It wasn’t until now i realized how much i like him because i’ve missed talking to him. It’s been over a week since hearing from him. I’m not asking for our usual long talks, but a text or something to say HI, i’m busy is all i’m asking. Should I text or call. Or just leave him alone? Was I being lead on? I think i truly like him, and i’m scared…… He has always been honest with me. My gut said I could trust him. I figure why would he do and say all that he has if he wasn’t interested? the main reason i care is because my heart has now been exposed, and I didn’t want this to happen!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been really burned in the past. What should i do!
Jay — Don’t let fear get the best of you.
I remember seeing this gal during my board exam review. As agreed, we promised no communication during that period. But one day I received package and inside was a small cutout of a ship’s compass pasted on a small napkin with the handwritten words, “Dont worry .. You’ll make it thru!” Then signed by her initials.
It was non-intrusive, but meaningful coz we went sailing just before my review. I hung that napkin beside my mirror, and my spirits went up every time I saw it. After the exam, I just ran to her side!
Short, simple, nothing fancy, non-intrusive, but meaningful!
As to your fear, I leave you with Pat Benatar’s words:
You’re making me to go, you’re begging me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad?
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you’ve had?
Believe me, believe me, I can’t tell you why
But I’m trapped by your love, and I’m chained to your side
We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands love is a battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we’re wrong
Searching our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield!
Hey, Ive been in a similar situation … You sound a lot like me with liking guys. Just leave him go. He may want to come see you and tell you how he feels, but until you see him constantly “bothering” you to see you, he may be in a different part of his life with commitment than you want to be. So just take a breather and wait for him to come to you. I know it is hard and frustrating but guys need to experience having to “go” for things and not let everything happen according to how they want it to happen. Try it out, and if you dont hear from him in a week, just stop talking to him hes obviously not as interested as you.
Robert is Right! Don’t let this driving fear overwhelm you. When you start to worry, just think about the wonderful times you’ve had together. Against all-consuming worry, a psychotherapist advised me to say to myself, “Ok, I will not worry about this now. I will worry about this in twelve hours or tomorrow.” If this man has said he WILL call you, then do NOT call him and especially do NOT text him–it’s so impersonal. Having taken board exams before, it’s not a good idea to break your concentration, not even to make a phone call or begin an endless string of “texting”. The most selfless, considerate act you can perform is to go to hallmark.com and send him an e-card wishing him good luck on his boards. At the end of the day though, my precious one, you must accept these circumstances which you cannot change, and pray for empowerment and peace which passes all understanding.
As of 4 days ago, my bf and I (met on eHarm) broke up after 15 months. We’ve been exclusive, and the first 6 months were the best of both of our lives. I’m 48 and have an 8 yr old son. He’ll be 50 next month, never married, never engaged, but a very stand-up guy, successful and kind. For the last several months I could tell he was pulling away (not physically, just wasn’t moving the relationship forward). The other night during the hurricane we each spent the night alone, after which I called him to say it didn’t feel right. He later said he had to “think about things.” I told him I would rather we take some time apart while he’s thinking. He said it was too drastic, but my gut tells me it’s the only way either of us will know. My son and I are both heartbroken (he and my son are very close). Any suggestions or thoughts?
So, big question, how do you get your emotions out of your head and into you body- get into your intentions and follow your heart, as I believe another article has reported and still achieve detachment? It seems so very contradictory, how is it done?
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