Comments on: Dating Don’t: Why Ask Why?

By: Sue

Sue — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 19:29:22 +0000

Some people want to leave things ‘open’ do that they may come back to the relationship when their lives, personal or otherwise, are more manageable. If you just enjoy your own life these disappearing types usually work their way back in. Don’t put your life on hold for them though — if you’re not available when they come back it’s their problem. They have always come back when I just back off myself and let them figure it out. Sometimes too late –

By: viguy007

viguy007 — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 09:42:05 +0000

“He didn’t know what to say, it was complicated.” = He met another woman he was more attracted to.

By: viguy007

viguy007 — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 09:16:18 +0000

Had you made an agreement with him to be mutually exclusive? If not, it was your mistake to ask him why his dating profile was still active. It means you are the jealous type, and that is only the formula for trouble. No man wants that. When you MUTUALLY agree to be exclusive, he will take down or hide his profile. If not then he is a jerk, because he is breaking a promise to you.

By: Anna

Anna — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 05:13:43 +0000

Wow Stephanie, sounds like this guy Andrew I dated last year. I stupidly wasted time trying to get him to call me back, text, when in reality, if he was really interested he would have been jumping through hoops to find ways to communicate. Same with this guy, just forget about it, and it’s not worth your agonizing over the “why”. Who cares? He isn’t that into you, that’s evident, and it’s his loss. The more you fret over it, the more time you are wasting on someone who doesn’t give a damn about you. Stop wasting your time!!! The right guy would bend over backwards to see you and talk to you, not make excuses. Stop torturing yourself!!!!

By: Sandy

Sandy — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 23:51:23 +0000

I find it very disrespectful for the man to blow the person they persued off after a few week of dating. Why fill the womens head with a bunch of b.s. This happened to me recently and my feelings were hurt because he led me to believe things that weren’t true. He acted like everything was fine then nothing. I confronted him but got no where. He didn’t know what to say, it was complicated. So in the end I really have no idea what happened. All I wanted was for him to be honest. It’s cruel to leave the other person wondering what they did wrong, if anything. Honesty shouldn’t be out of the question in any type of relationship. I’ve learned a difficult lesson.

By: Sandi

Sandi — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 18:54:10 +0000

Thank you for your insight, Claire… I had a similar experience with a man whom I had met a very long time ago, before my marriage. We did not have a dating relationship at that time, but after my divorce (I was married for 25 years), we met again by chance and started to date. We just seemed to hit it off… we had a lot in common. I didn’t drop my guard immediately… at my age, I know better (or should have). We dated for about 2 months and then I never heard from him. He just quit all communication. Fell off the map… I was totally devastated. The interesting thing I observed was that every one of my girlfriends insisted I contact him to ask what had happened. I even went so far as to seek the advise of a professional counsellor. She also suggested I ask him for closure. But when I sought advice from the male perspective, two of my guy friends, both told me (independently from one another) NOT to ask, so I didn’t. I found the difference between the sexes in the quest for closure was very interesting. (I wish I had read the “Mars and Venus” books sooner in life!) It’s interesting “honing one’s dating skills after 25 years of marriage…

By: JustMe

JustMe — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 12:54:09 +0000

I was so glad to find this article yesterday. It helped me stop beating myself up and let myself off the hook. I am just starting to “date” after a long miserable marriage and nasty divorce. I have gone on some great dates and have always had the “I’d like to see you again.” Just went on 3 AWESOME dates with a guy that I am VERY attracted to…suddenly no calls/texts. But I also find that guys have a lot more “Drama” than they like to admit to — they usually say it’s women with the drama (I beg to differ).
Come on, guys — DON’T BE A TEASE!!! Don’t lead a lady on then disappear. It’s cruel and some of us are scared to death of dating to begin with. Thanks, E-Harmony for a good night’s sleep. If I don’t hear from him — HIS LOSS!

By: Lynda

Lynda — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 01:57:46 +0000

THANK YOU!

I have been tempted to text him what is so hard with telling me “hey, this isn’t going to work”?

I am mature enough to respect that rather than experience my call or text being ignored SMH

Finally Moving on after loss of sleep and time speculating! Thank you for this blog!

By: TJ

TJ — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 03:02:24 +0000

Why? It’s a simple question with so many simple answers. Why? That’s all I wanted to know. I was with a man who came at me hard core, wanted to be with me every night and all weekend. I was very guarded after my divorce, not the best self esteem, so I wondered what in the world this guy would want with me. He told me it “felt right” and was very attracted to me and wanted to be with me. I started to let my guard down (since I wear my heart on my sleeve) and he disappeared! No more texts, no more phone calls which were both done daily! The thing that irritates me the most is that we talked about how BAD it is to ditch someone over texts, not ever replying back or calling again, and that’s what happened! Why? So now I’m on high alert guarding which isn’t fair to anyone, fool me once shame on me, there will be no fool me twice! It’s complete disrespect for me as a person. I’m very honest with my communication, a relationship will not last without this communication factor!

By: Claire

Claire — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 20:42:29 +0000

I’ve read the bulk of these comments and had issues with the very same things described here. It is frustrating when things are going along so seemingly well and then, POOF! The guy vanishes without a trace (sometimes whether we realize it or not we have often times dodged a bullet). I am not one to make excuses for others – either they are interested in me or they’re not. It’s just that simple. And I, like the rest of you, could just sit around pining for the guy that fled the relationship and waste my time in trying to figure out the why. But what purpose would it serve? Just to bring further closure to me? It still doesn’t change anything. In a perfect world it sure would be nice if the departing party would be kind enough to do what I consider such a basic thing (that is, just to be honest and communicate the truth in a loving fashion). Sometimes this is too much to expect from certain individuals. But it doesn’t mean that you stop expecting it. In my quest to connect with my “Mr. Right” I have found that there are other reasons more pressing than trying to figure out the why. I have always considered myself to be a better than average communicator. The more upsetting thing to me, when someone just drops off the grid, is that it causes me to question my own perception of reality. I find myself asking, “How could have been so wrong about this?” (i.e the situation, relationship, character of a person, etc.). The real issue, at least for me, is that I enjoy getting to know people who I consider to have a high level of integrity and honor (not looking for perfection as I am certainly not perfect – just forgiven). When someone just decides to walk away from a relationship and neglects to inform you, it is a dishonorable thing to do as it displays a real lack of concern for you and your heart. It is typically evidence of selfishness. I can deal with the fact that the guy just “isn’t that into me.” The more disconcerting problem to me is that I was wrong about who they represented themselves to be. This prevailing issue has become so bothersome to me that I have gone so far as to include a disclaimer on my profile dealing directly with the issue on the front end. I am hoping that going forward it will eliminate individuals who simply do not have the moral fortitude just to be honest with me.