Comments on: Is Compatibility Overrated? Our response to Psychology Today…

By: Jaktdup

Jaktdup — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 15:51:31 +0000

Sure, compatibility is very important. If you are very compatible in so many levels then good for you, but, if you are not physically attracted to them or don’t share the same intimate intensity, then he/she is your best friend or a very close good friend. Truth be told, biological attraction to procreate is very real and strong in choosing a partner, even subconsciously. Men’s driving choice are always visual, and would seek a healthy looking partner to pass it to his genetic offspring. Women value more men’s status/security for being a provider and a protector. There is just no way around it.

By: ann

ann — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 17:53:01 +0000

I think that compatibility is very important. Two people in a relationship must have the same ideas with regards to the core values – ex. money, marriage, kids, religion, education, etc. If they don’t have that, then the relationship will suffer. Things like a common interest in playing tennis, are not the compatibility we are talking about here.
And chemistry is important. There must be that click that goes both ways.
As for me, the compatibility often drives the attraction.

By: Matthew

Matthew — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 14:03:03 +0000

Wow, I was blown away by the how opinionated and uninformed Dr. Heisler was. He has obviously not looked at eHarmony very closely. I was even more astounded at your response to his criticism. I am that much more confident in what is being done at eHarmony to match couples.

By: Jake

Jake — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 22:44:53 +0000

Dr. Gonzaga-

Terrific response! I was thinking many of the same things when reading Dr. Geisler’s original article. As someone who is very interested in relationship research and the foundations behind the matching dimensions (I have read a few of the books written by Dr. Neil Clark Warren), I was baffled at how Dr. Geisler simultaneously misunderstood eHarmony’s method for determining compatibility while also (and perhaps, unknowingly) supporting it. His title certainly is not fitting either – maybe it was written as to intentionally create conflict, not sure. It was disappointing to see Psychology Today publish such a piece. In any case, I was happy to see your article provide clarity and look forward to reading your work in the future.

-Jake

By: TJ

TJ — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:54:59 +0000

@MsBluEyedGirl. Sweetheart, stop! Don’t you dare quit. Those two men are not worthy of you. Don’t apologize for who you are…celebrate it…flaunt it…if you do, you won’t be able to keep the men off you!!

By: Eileen

Eileen — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:17:09 +0000

I agree with you, blue eyed girl……I am in the cattle business, have a college degree in business, not agriculture, I just plainly like my cows (I am a Taurus) and I am shunned by some who don’t realize I take a shower and put on clean clothes when I leave the barnyard….some people, even educated fools, are so shallow. signed, Cowgirl

By: PK

PK — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 13:22:37 +0000

We are all created differently, no DNA or body cells are alike in any one person on earth, even in twins, their body cells etc are still different. A partner cannot meet another partner’s expectations of 100% compatibility in a relationship as we are made differently. Yes we may certain areas of our relationship in which we are compatible in interests, hobbies, food, religious belief etc, but in others we are not as we have different family upbringings, cultural background, different education exposures and so on.. The only way for any partner to find 100 % compatibility is to ask the Creator of mankind to clone him/her another person like him/her…

By: Pia

Pia — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 12:40:19 +0000

Hey blue eyed girl, I’m sorry to hear that you are also having problems with EH and it was an eye opener for me to hear the perspective of an overweight woman. I am a fitness instructor so I haven’t dealt with the same exact issues as you but believe me, I’m not having any luck either. It’s disheartening to hear that the men on EH ( which I must say are some of the most unattractive men I’ve ever seen!) are just as superficial as men offline, although I guess I’m behaving in a superficial manner also. Does it make it okay because I’m a woman? Not sure, but I’m sure we can all agree that the attraction has to go both ways. I wish you the best of luck in your search and also your health. I can promise you this, Exercise is the answer! And it’s a great way to meet men. Lol. Good luck girl and don’t give up!

By: MsBluEyedGirl

MsBluEyedGirl — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 21:40:24 +0000

Pia, I agree with you, physical attraction is the most important factor, I have met 2 men from eharmony and I was told by both that I was too heavy, 1 match I keep checking to see if he closed me and so far he hasn’t. I am by no means thin but this is what the majority of the population wants is a thin to average, toned what ever person. I am neither. These men we had things in common but what was a deal breaker for them was that I am fat. yes fat. I have a 3 month subscription and won’t be renewing it. It saddens me that there are adds where these couples are all thin or average. They say it’s based on compatibly ect but it’s not You have to be physically attracted to the person. the person that hasn’t closed me yet. took a look at my profile but here he will not contact me. I have made attempts and it’s the same thing. I’m going to continue doing what I am. I say it’s all about the weight. The site may work for some but not all. I am one of them, yes I am coming across as being negative because I don’t expect to meet anyone from here and if I do, it will be a deal breaker because of weight. I didn’t wake up one morning and said ya I want to be fat. I have Crohns and to date it is somewhat under control, The meds I’m on, one of the side effects is weight gain. Why should I tell any one what my problem. It seems I’m suppose to disclose it this will be another deal breaker. Oh Well. sorry for rambling, I’m just soo fustrated.

By: Marcus

Marcus — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 15:04:55 +0000

This field is fuzzy at best. I think its fantastic you are continuing discourse despite the conditions. Compaibility isn’t rigidly defined but, eHarmony is laying groundwork so we may establish rapport with such a subject.
I agree that Psychology Today missed the mark when they attempted to rigidly (and adversarially) fit eHarmony’s actions into their own box. I also agree that the article would have been good if they removed the oppositional nature.
Great rebuttal!