Comments on: When They Don’t Call…

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 17:13:51 +0000

Hi Bee,
I understand your frustration. I am also going through the same thing right now. When the guy and I first met a month and a half ago, we really clicked, and I felt so happy because I hadn’t met anyone in over 3 years that I felt that connected with (and attracted to). He either texted or called me almost every day, and we saw each other 4 times in the first week. When I finally felt like he was truly interested in me, I decided to let him stay the night. And it was wonderful! But he lost his job that same day, and he quit calling/texting me as often as he used to. When I asked him about it, he said that he has to get his life in order (find out what type of work he really wants to do and get a job). At first I didn’t believe him, but everything else about him told me he really did like me. We have seen each other just once (last Wednesday) since then, and we had a really great time together. Now, a week later, I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t like games, and I don’t like waiting, so I just now texted him and asked if anything was wrong since I hadn’t heard from him in a while. Like you, I want a boyfriend who wants to do things together and will stay in touch–not necessarily five times a day, but at least once would be nice. I feel like he is taking advantage of me because he knows how I feel about him. I have been really good about giving him his “space” since he let me know he needed to get a job (it really bothers him not working), but this isn’t the kind of relationship I want. I think it’s time he let me know (in actions, not necessarily words) what I mean to him, if anything. Then I will know in my heart that I can move on to find the relationship I really want.

Do any of you guys have anything to add about this lack of communication, when everything had been going so great?

By: bee

bee — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 03:55:18 +0000

Hi,
I’m having the same issue currently and I don’t know what to think about it. I basically had a few dates with a guy and initially his communication was good. Now after the last date I reached out through text messaging inviting him to an event but he had a plans already. He replied back right away but has not made suggestion for a future date. It’s been a week now and there is nothing on the table. I’m still keeping busy but I’m just wondering if what I feel is a change in communication is just that or something more and he is just trying to be polite. Why am I writing this? It doesn’t matter, I want to be with someone who wants to hang out with me and keep in touch.

By: Pak Videos

Pak Videos — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 07:56:34 +0000

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By: Mark b

Mark b — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 03:16:48 +0000

I have a fiancé who has a ex that she broke up 7 yrs ago with. He randomly shows up and now she says she needs space to figure stuff out. She is 622 miles away. She says she loves me and him and doesn’t want me to break up with her and she keeps saying I’ve put her on the spot three times and she says no she wants me. Here is my issue she isn’t talking to me unless I try to kill the relationship then she begs to not let me end it. I am so confused and don’t know where to go…any thoughts?

By: Mark B

Mark B — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 07:34:59 +0000

I have a interesting issue. I am at a loss to figure it out too. Here it goes: I met this girl though my job and we hit it off great. It’s a long distance relationship. We have met up several times and it’s been very very good. I’m 29 and she is 24. I’m a pretty respectful and smart, don’t play games, and usually funny and sweet. I don’t get angry and hate to fight. Anyway we have been mostly chatty for the better part of 4 months and she was ( is?) planning to move to my area and she was(is?) planning to visit at the end of august. My issue is over the last going on two weeks she has gone cold turkey on talking to me / texting. She claims she is stressed and/ or busy. She says she wants me to text her but I feel weird texting out our regular pace which was 3-5 times a day to her when she doesn’t respond back or might once the entire day. That one response is usually a ” I love you , I was too busy” response and I get those on her day off. When I ask what she did that day she told me cleaned house and went to a local bands show. I want to not let bother me but the way it’s been it seems too good to be true. We really click on quite a few levels. I finally after two weeks of this told her how I feel currently I am awaiting her response. I know this though it is near impossible If you care about someone to not find a single minute or several in a day to communicate. Took me all of 3 minutes to type this and it takes all of 10 secs to type good morning, or any other simple phrase. if you care you make time.

By: Amber

Amber — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 15:11:58 +0000

@Quiet observer

Man, if a guy does not call me or contact me for two weeks, I do not care how busy you are, it means its time to move on and that you’re not really interested.

Would you leave your significant other hanging for 2 weeks and not contact them? I hope you would say “no” to that.
When you’re dating someone or planning on dating someone. Be courteous and keep in touch with them so they do not think you met someone else and moved on. It’s a slap in the face when you drop them like a hot piece of lead like that. I’ve had that done to me on more than one occasion.

I know from my point of view, if I’m not good enough to be on your mind and to keep your interest I will move on. Just my two cents.

By: joyforever

joyforever — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 21:28:11 +0000

@ Charles S – that may be part of the dating game but it’s stupid. If they’re gaming then they’re not seriously looking. It’s just plain silly. If you like someone just say so! Especially and specifically for people on eHarmony! Isn’t anyone a doggone gorwn-up ?!?!?

By: Charles S

Charles S — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 17:51:20 +0000

Guys don’t call because it’s part of the “dating game.” If you call too early that makes you look desperate, if you make her wait then she’s going to have self-doubts and that will make you look like a harder mate to get, which is good for the guy.

By: Anita

Anita — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 18:00:33 +0000

1)Tactfully be upfront about your intentions and listen to each other’s answers and watch the body language and voice patterns
2)Mutually agree on how often you will communicate and update each other when this changes
3)Have a serious conversation about how you are feeling and what you are thinking
4)Respond politely and honestly
5)Allow each other time to evaluate whether they want to move forward or not and follow up with that.
6)Be optimistic. Everyone doesn’t just want sex, but if you keep that mindset you will continue to attract that. Believe there is a better quality of person out there for you and develop yourself to be the best person you can be, and that is what you will attract. It is very possible, you just have to decide that it is attainable for you.
7)Be procactive and communicate tactfully, openly and honestly. This can prevent some issues. If you realize that your interest has change with this person, let them know immediately so that you can have a mutual aggreement moving forward or part ways. To avoid wasting anyones time and emotions.

By: Anita

Anita — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 17:34:49 +0000

She dropped you like a hot potato because you failed to follow up. She was not mature enough to tell you that because of your lapse she moved foward an was no longer interest. Which shows that she does not stand up for herself well. You should have let her know before hand that you would be working two jobs and would have difficulting keeping in touch with her for two weeks or however many weeks with her. Next time schedule a time to at least call or designate at time or day of the week you will call and keep that commitment. That way she has an immediate choice to bear through it or walk away.