Comments on: Do You Have Another Shoe?

By: Greta

Greta — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 02:31:33 +0000

Never would have thunk I would find this so indipsnesable.

By: Tony

Tony — Sun, 29 May 2011 08:36:36 +0000

What about a Fetish? I’m not talking about need to have it to be able to perform, but just a general fetish that I like to exercise every now and then? What I would really like to know is when is it appropriate to talk about to your date? Before or after first sexual encounter?

By: Victoria

Victoria — Sun, 15 May 2011 22:55:26 +0000

I would say that guys over the age of 35 stray away from either successful women or just plain highly intelligent women.

I’m amazed how ignorant some guys are that they say, “Wow-you’re so smart. You read so many books and know a lot.”…..There is a very strong percentage of guys out there that are extremely insecure and highly sensitive in their own skin.

I don’t need a guy from Harvard, but I need to have a guy that is educated and has a desire to learn in life.

I find that many people have zero desire to learn and they I believe feel very insecure when they are around others who read, learn continuously in life.

By: Mike

Mike — Mon, 09 May 2011 03:40:58 +0000

To talk about myself specifically and whether I’ve got “another shoe”, it all depends on how comfortable I feel with a woman. Honestly, I let it all hang out up front. My take on that is, if I have a trait they won’t like about me, then better to get it known early on so as to not waste anyone’s time. This isn’t to say that I just run through a list of my faults on the phone before the first date, but I certainly make it a point to communicate who I am in an expeditious manner.

By: Mike

Mike — Mon, 09 May 2011 03:16:55 +0000

Well, I’m not even closet to 50, alone over it. But I will say this … if you’re looking for a type of guy and not finding him, look somewhere else. Not all guys are a certain way, and sometimes it takes changing watering holes to get a good clean drink.

By: Kate

Kate — Sun, 08 May 2011 06:02:01 +0000

Related question: what if the medical history has a emotional ramifications? Due to a childhood illness, I’ve been dealing with depression for more than 10 years. I do the best I can to control it–medicine & therapy–but there’s still a stigma against mood disorders that makes it awkward to bring up.

I always feel weird talking about the childhood illness itself, because it was so long ago (almost 20 years), and because it’s just not that big of a deal anymore. However, it was a significant event in my life, and it’s not possible to not talk about it sometime. If I don’t bring it up early on, I feel like I’m hiding something, but if I bring it up out of the blue, I feel like I’m making a bigger deal of it than it really is.

By: Sabrina

Sabrina — Sat, 07 May 2011 01:19:49 +0000

I felt compelled to right back to you on this. What a tough situation. I cannot even imagine what this must be like. I hope you find someone that makes you happy as it really does seem like you have a lot going for you! I mean really how many women can really say the same? i.e. how you describe yourself in your first paragraph. I can tell you from my experience as a woman with many many girlfriends (and who has also dated other women) that there are very few ladies in this world that fit your description (intelligent/fun/no MH issues/good career but not a workoholic/active/low maintenence). I cannot even say the same about myself (def high maintenence lol!) So please don’t resign yourself to being single. You seem like a great catch that someone special would be very lucky to have.

(And remember a good group of girlfriends will always cheer you up!)

By: FearlessCrusader

FearlessCrusader — Fri, 06 May 2011 22:49:40 +0000

Muskoshe and Pat, to answer your questions, your problem is that you are belligerant and prejudiced. I am over 50 but I don’t want to marry some dope. I am engaged to a professional woman who has degrees. But you tell me to get over myself and grow up. How about you grow up yourself, stop blaming men for your own problems, and start looking at each man as an individual, judging him on his own merits instead of assuming every man is responsible for your failures. You say the man should just “give her a chance”; why can’t you do the same for a man?

By: Pariah

Pariah — Fri, 06 May 2011 20:48:58 +0000

I am a normal, intelligent, fun woman. I have a career, but don’t work too much. No addictions, no mental issues. I like to stay active, am not high-maintenance, and don’t bring a lot of drama. I would welcome the right man into my life, but I am the epitome of “the other shoe.”

In fact, it’s not just the other shoe; it’s a lead boot. I have HIV. Not from drugs, not from sex. From a medical procedure, but where it came from makes no difference. It’s here, and it is an issue. Always.

Medically, I am unlikely to pass it on because the virus is not detectable in my blood anymore. But once I utter those three little letters, the entire vibe of the date changes. I’ve waited until getting to know someone, disclosed on the first date, and just about everything in between. It’s stigmatized. I’m stigmatized. And it’s always a non-starter.

I have tried meeting people on the limited HIV positive dating sites, but the men that aren’t looking for other men are either desperate or players or looking for a green card. So lately I’m wondering if I just need to throw in the towel and resign myself to being single—not an easy pill to swallow for someone in their early 40s. Maybe I’ll start a cat rescue. ;-P

By: Linda

Linda — Mon, 02 May 2011 23:27:33 +0000

I seem to be having the same issue! I was shocked when a friend told me that my difficulty in meeting men came from them feeling threatened. I am vague about my employment, education, etc., with every new acquaintence – not just men. It took me 30 years to get my degree, but that was a personal goal and I don’t broadcast it. It’s frustrating that I am focused on meeting interesting men from all walks of life while men my age seem to be focused on finding another “little woman.”