True Story – I know a woman who had 3 enjoyable dates with a fellow before the conversation drifted in an odd direction. First, he mentions that he is looking for land in rural Kansas to escape to “when things get really bad.” He has plans to dig an underground abode of sorts stocked with food and weapons. He told her that he is certain that anarchy or some sort of class/race war is coming soon and he wants to be ready. Okay, she thinks. Maybe he has a point. This doesn’t make him crazy or anything.
A couple of dates later he pointed out, in the course of one meal, that 9/11 was an inside job, that George Bush directed that the building be dynamited after having rogue agents fly planes into the buildings, that the Great Seal of the United States that appears on the dollar bill is a Satanic symbol proving that our government is in league with the Devil, and that certain breakfast cereals contain mind control ingredients.
Now, at this point she got a little scared. It’s one thing to believe some isolated theories or conspiracies about the way our society and government works. (For example, I think that Kevin James is an alien sent from another world to dumb down America.) It’s another to be a bona fide Conspiracy Theorist who has a long laundry list of fears and counter-realities about life.
Her question to me was, “If I decide that what he’s told me so far is okay, is it wise to hang around and see if he gets stranger in the months and weeks to come?”
I thought I would share with the group:
–Would you continue to date this person?
–Do you have some kind of rule about conspiracy theories and dating?
–Even if you believe in some popular conspiracies do you want to be with someone who is deeply committed to a wide range of them?
Grant Langston — Vice President, Content and Customer Experience
Jeannie Assimos, — Director of Content
Marni Battista — Relationship Expert
Monique A Honaman — Author
Dr. Seth Meyers — Licensed clinical psychologist
Sarah Schmermund, M.A. — M.A.
She should run the other way as fast as she can. Can’t believe that she would consider dating this guy again. Is she that desperate?
RUN, RUN, run away and don’t look back. Clearly a nutter!
Obviously, she should follow her heart. It is interesting to note however that a man honest enough to express his beliefs (whatever their foundation) is cruelly ridiculed. How often do we see the requirement of being an ‘honest’ man and here one is…as an example of how not to be. If you want to believe that the moon is made of green cheese or that 9/11 was just a boating accident, your honesty and sincerity should not be overlooked when you express your beliefs.
This article should be far less judgemental about beliefs systems and more concerned about someone who cannot commit to accepting or rejecting those beliefs in an open and honest way.
It’s not a matter of honesty, its a matter of sanity and safety. If someone is that out of touch with reality then you are placing yourself at potential risk by being around them.
Granted, I wouldnt say that this guy is dangerous based on what’s been stated above, he’s just a bit off. I’d say that Doug’s statement is well put.
People have a tendency to want to believe the more fantastic story when given a choice between something more realistic and the twisted version. It’s a normal bias to go with the more interesting. I grew up with a lot of people who would believe that all you had to do to justify a story was to come up with a way it might have been possible no matter how unlikely the possibility.
The man simply lacks critical thinking skills that help counter the bias. Critical thinking isn’t always something you are born with… it can be learned. I agree that he’s being honest about his beliefs and maybe he shouldn’t be judged so harshly…
The thing she needs to be concerned about is what will he believe when she’s late coming home and she says “The car ran out of gas and some gentlemen helped me.” But his buddy suggests she was cheating on him. That’s when he’s really going to need to think critically. Even if she’s always been completely honest with him, his tendency to believe the more fascinating story might lead to a ruined relationship.
This man is a perceptive, critical thinker – exactly what Marvel and Crackers are not. Maseo has made excellent points which should be seriously considered. Doug, you make a lot of sense and making headway fast but you’re going the wrong direction. Most conspiracy theories are a lot less fantastic than the official versions, which are highly improbable. A few questions for you to ponder along these lines: Re JFK, how unlikely are the “magic bullet” and “pristine bullet” theories promoted by the official Warren report? Re RFK, how were more bullets fired than the assassin’s gun held? Re MLK, How did James Earl Ray shoot MLK with a tree in the way, why was that tree removed by the Parks Department immediately afterwards, and how was he convicted without a ballistics test ever being done to determine whether or not the fatal bullet was even shot from his rifle? Re Oklahoma City, how is it that the FBI bomb people just happened to check into town the night before the bombing, and why did they swear they didn’t get there until after the bombing? Re 911, why did President Bush’s brother order the bomb-sniffing dogs removed from the building from 9/9 through 9/11; how is it that the plane that flew through the Pentagon made only a small hole in the wall; and why did the coroner who was first on the scene at the supposed crash site of Flight 93 found no bodies or airplane parts? Re Columbine, why does the official version insist there were only two perpetrators when the students themselves saw others, and I saw a whole group in black trenchcoats arrested on the sceene on live TV? Re Abraham Lincoln, how is it that John Wilkes Booth was identified by his broken leg (broken when he jumped out of Lincoln’s box onto the stage), but when he landed on the stage it was his OTHER leg that was broken? It takes a lot more critical thinking to confront these discrepancies than to blindly believe whatever we are told. And maybe somebody from eHarmony can tell me, if they’re a Christian site, why don’t they know that the All-seeing Eye of Horus is indeed an occult sysmbol? I always heard that one of the primary purposes of public education was to cripple our ability to think for ourselves, and it’s easy to see that this is exactly what has happened.
People believe in conspiracy theories for one simple reason (whether they realize it or not)- it gives them a feeling of superiority. They like the idea that they ‘know something’ that most people do not. They are impossible to reason with because while always demanding proof, they instantly reject all proof offered as ‘fake’ or ‘a smokescreen’ or ‘that’s just what they want you to believe’.
FearlessCrusader, very interesting post. For the Record, eHarmony is not a Christian site. We’re just a company and we serve people of all religions and no religion.
Just to follow your thread, do you find that women are impressed when you bring up these varied theories or do they tend to back away?
thanks
Grant
Grant,
I would thrilled that there was one thinking man around, ask him for coffee.
Shera
I enjoy critical thinking, and I like to have fun with being analytical and looking at issues. But as with anything in life….everything has to have its place and time. If this is all someone spoke about, I would be running the other way.
The difference in my opinion between whether someone has paranoia or if they just like talking conspiracy, is that someone who has paranoia focuses on these issues, believes them as true and nothing the other person says opens up their mind to other explanations. People with paranoia also talk about it all the time, and the conversation is about their thoughts…..and they do not engage others for their views.
By the 3rd date…….I personally would have red flags if all my date talked about was conspiracy theories. Cereal and mind control would send a red flag for me that this date may have some paranoia issues, especially if he said it with a serious face and was adamant about it. The race/class war would also send up a red flag to me as well…..sounds more like paranoia!
I personally would NOT continue to date someone who always talked and believed in conspiracy theories. I am going to continue to eat my cereal! lol