Sooo with that being said…Do you believe that GOD would punish you like this, that he would condone a loveless marriage? It seems that to me that the fact you still need to bring up the adultery is that you may have forgiven but not forgotten.

If there is a GOD, I don’t think he would want this for anyone.

With regard to the pornography- he’s a very honest person; and I’m surprised at how long it took for the truth to come out. For 3 years, I’m thinking his sex drive is gone; and now all of a sudden I must deal with the reality that his sex drive is alive and well (sometimes masturbating every day); but not with me. It’s a tough pill to swallow.

In reading up on this, I came across the book “Every Man’s Battle”. I ordered it for me to understand things better. In conversation, he tells me a friend mentioned it to him and he was going to order it. When I told him I ordered it; he decided he’d just read mine. I gave it to him 2 weeks ago. He hasn’t read it yet. He hasn’t picked it up.

I’m open to couples therapy; but when he won’t even pick up a book that might help- it makes me want to throw in the towel. I can’t be the only one “working” on us, for us. He’s initiated a Christian couples retreat thing for us this weekend. I’ll participate fully cooperating with him on it- but why can’t he participate in something important to me? (reading the book). It needs to be a two-way street.

Pornography offers him a disconnected way of dealing with his own sexual frustration, without having to deal with intimacy, which clearly seems to be the real issue he is having. An issue has has NO clue how to deal with.

Although some men and women do indeed have addictions to pornography, to think the average man doesn’t look at it on a semi regular basis is rather naive. Almost everyone masturbates or has done so at some point in their lifetime.

I hope you two consider couples therapy to see if it can help repair the problems. There is no shame in admitting that help is needed, especially when there are some complex variables in the relationship, such as yours.

I confronted my husband again about the situation and asked him some questions that were advised in reading up on this on the internet. He admitted to using pornography and masturbation to satisfy his needs, as he’s been doing this on and off since he was 13.

I am utterly devastated. I know many men struggle with pornography. But he hid it very well. I would have never suspected it.

I too have struggled with depression, and thought we were a good match because we could understand each other. My family’s opinion has always been very important to me, and they loved him. Although he shared about his alcohol and chewing tobacco addiction while we were dating, he definitely made it sound less serious than it was.

When we dated (about 2 and a half years), he had a fear of getting married, and in my own warped mind, made me want to marry him. Yet, I felt a sense of gloom in our relationship that was unpleasant and unsettling. We had moments of being broken up- the last time we were, I focused on my health and was very happy.

The day we got engaged, his demeanor was off and not happy. I thought about immediately breaking off the engagement, but was elated that he had finally asked me. I had also broken off a year-long engagement in the past and was embarrassed to have to break off another engagement.

We’ve been married now almost 4 years, and it’s been a rough road. I am miserable. He’s not interested in sex and says it isn’t me. But no matter how often I talk to him about it, he provides no solutions. Noncommittal is one of his character traits that I have come to know well. Although through recovery, I can see that changing already.

I know for a fact he isn’t cheating on me because he isn’t that kind of person. I do however feel that he has deep-seated issues that he needs to deal with.

But time is ticking, and I can’t see myself living in this marriage much longer. I have no JOY. I am emotionally and physically drained on a regular basis. I feel like the life is sucked out of me.

[side note: this feeling of not being my best started around the time of my broken engagement and meeting him (we met 6 months after my devastating broken engagement- where I just needed a day to myself to think, and my ex was not willing to give me that much without assuming things were over and moving forward with the "break up" while angrily blaming me for it and demanding his ring back- It ended on horrific, unexpected terms).]

Although I had my struggles with depression before meeting my husband, I feel as if it’s been worse with him. He is not capable of providing me with the emotional support I need. Although he hasn’t blatantly mistreated me; he does show passive aggressive tendencies, and has given me awful, mean looks for no reason, when we are just eating out at a restaurant, and I’m trying to be positive and have a good time.

Since he’s been in recovery, he seems happier and approaches me more positively, but is even less interested in sex; and does NOTHING and says NOTHING when he sees me upset, asks me what’s wrong, and I tell him. I’ve talked to him about scheduling sex; about having a plan of action; if it isn’t me, then seek counseling about it. But it just gets swept under the rug. And I get resentful, hurt, angry, and short with him. I’m losing my patience.

Just now, he came in to “my” room (I’m the only one who sleeps here on a regular basis; he prefers the couch- Quite frankly I prefer our sleeping arrangement like this now too, because he’s so cold and distant in bed; I’d rather not have him next to me.] He sees me crying; asks me what’s wrong, I tell him I’ve talked to him about it before- he knows what it is- gives me a kiss on the forehead and leaves.

What am I to do? I know I have my own issues to work on. I’m 34, want children (we currently don’t have any); and am tired of this sterile relationship. He talks to me as if everything is fine; expects me to be supportive of whatever he is going through- but I can’t count on him being “there” for me to meet my needs.

I used to have to work on Saturday mornings, when he was addicted to alcohol. He gave me the hardest time for it even though I explained that it was temporary; and we never did much on Saturday mornings anyways. Now, he goes to a recovery group at the same time in which I used to work. I wouldn’t naturally want to give him a hard time for it; but I’m tempted to to give him a taste of his own medicine.

I love him. I want him to be happy. I want to be happy. I’m not happy. I have a high sexual drive; I’m very attracted to him- and am devastated by his lack of interest. At this time, we have not had satisfying sex in 6 months. In that time frame, he tried one time about a month ago, but he didn’t stay erect. I’ve told him there are other things we can do to satisfy one another. But he hasn’t tried other things within these 6 months either. My hands are in the air. I now understand why affairs happen and feel that if I were to have one, he’d only have himself to blame.

Yet, logically thinking- he has explained to me that the idea of not meeting my sexual needs only adds to his self-hatred, which makes him even less interested in sex. I feel sorry for him; but what am I supposed to do?

I don’t want to hurt his recovery process with talk of a divorce. But I feel like I am not getting any needs met. If our sex is bad now, I can’t imagine with children in the picture.