I know you’ve asked yourself this question over and over, “Is using eHarmony going to get me a better relationship?”
At countless dinner parties and social events I’ve had friends and strangers ask me, “I see all those commercials for eHarmony, but are eHarmony relationships really all that different from people who met elsewhere?”
Simply put:
“Yes, eHarmony first dates have a better chance of becoming happy, long-term relationships.”
“Yes, we’ve found that married couples who met on eHarmony are happier, they are less likely to feel their relationship has lost its spark, and they have a low risk of divorce compared to other ways people meet.”
And we know this because solid independent research tells us so.
However you do it, dating can be hard. eHarmony requires effort, time and money. It’s important that you remember this because it reinforces one of the truisms of life: you get what you pay for.
It can be easy to get discouraged when doing the hard work of dating, but knowing about the research cited below can help you be more confident. When you consider eHarmony’s large pool of people, our guided communication process, our scientifically-based matching process and the information below, it’s clear that eHarmony is one of the best places available to meet a great long-term relationship partner.
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eHarmony’s Senior Director of Research and Development, Gian Gonzaga, wrote a detailed post in February explaining the particulars of this research.
I want to revisit the findings once more, because it’s so much easier to work hard at something when there is past evidence that it has worked.
More Relationship Satisfaction, based on where you met your spouse
Couples who met on eHarmony or at Church/Place of Worship had roughly the same amount of marital satisfaction — the highest in the study. Work/School was slightly lower in marital satisfaction.
Then, in descending order
Friends/Family
Match.com
Bars/Clubs/Social Events
These bottom three show significantly lower rates of marital satisfaction than eHarmony and Church/Place of Worship
Less “Loss of Spark” in the Relationship
The study asked married individuals if they felt their relationship had lost its spark. Again, eHarmony couples reported the least loss of spark (LOS). Church/Place of Worship was higher but very similar. Then we have the rest, in ascending order.
Work/School
Friends/Family
Match.com
Bars/Clubs/Social Events
People who meet in bars/clubs/social events report the highest LOS of any in the study.
Fewer Divorces
You can read all the details of the divorce segment of the research, as it is a little complex. Here’s the boiled down version.
First, we surveyed a sample of recently divorced people to find out where they met the person from whom they are divorced. Then, since we also knew how many marriages could be attributed to different ways people have met, we could figure out how many divorces we should have expected to see. We divided the first number (actual divorces) by the second number (expected divorces) to come up with a relative divorce risk for each way people could have met.
Here’s what we found. A couple meets:
In a Bar 24.14% higher risk of divorce
Work – 7.61% higher risk of divorce
Social Event – 6.25% higher risk of divorce
Match.com – 4.35% higher risk of divorce
Friends -5.95% lower risk of divorce
Church -11.76% lower risk of divorce
Family -14.81% lower risk of divorce
School -41.07% lower risk of divorce
eHarmony -66.67% lower risk of divorce
In his original post on the matter Gian points out that this data is based on one sample. We don’t know if these results will generalize to all marriages. He points out other limitations, and things that we are working to understand. But given the unknowns, when it is time to make a decision about how you’ll find a spouse this research is important directional information.
Grant Langston — Vice President, Content and Customer Experience
Jeannie Assimos, — Director of Content
Marni Battista — Relationship Expert
Monique A Honaman — Author
Dr. Seth Meyers — Licensed clinical psychologist
Sarah Schmermund, M.A. — M.A.
I met my wonderful husband through eHarmony. We’ve been married 3 1/2 years & we’re happier than we ever dreamed possible. Although answering all the questions to create a profile is time consuming, I believe it’s well worth the time. Bill is the perfect man for me and was well worth the wait.
eHarmony gave me the opportunity seven years ago to meet the man of my dreams. I always knew that he was out there..somewhere, and I would never have met him, if not for eHarmony. We had both been through really tough times, yet always came out okay. Together, we are one, have been married for 6 years, and I know that we will be married for the rest of our lives. Thank you. Those at eHarmony have no idea that they are responsible for so much happiness and contentment.
Yes Meet my Terri on Eharmony,I thank God and EHarmony for my Terri I have wait it for over ten year for to bless a woman of god like Terri, God is good all the time,We are bless and thankful for each other.
I have been on Eharmony for six months and find the results to be poor. I have had only one date from it and do spend the time every day to try to make it work. At least half the women’s profiles they send me do not have pictures. Many of them leave me wondering what eharmony thought I had in common with the lady. 80% of the ones I submit the questions to, never respond. Only one other candidate even got to email status. I have had five times more dates from match than eharmony in the same timeframe. Eharmony doesn’t seem worth the monthly fees and time spend each day.
In my opinion the differece is quantity vs. quality. I’ve been able to get dates quicker with sites other than eHarmony (and more of them) but they were not very good matches for me. The best dates I have been on, even though there havve not been a lot of them, were through eHarmony.
Steve, have you ever talked with our customer care team about your account? There’s often something that they can suggest that will increase the number of matches you receive. I’m curious why you don’t feel like you have anything in common with 80% of the matches you get. Can you give me some details?
thanks
Grant
What I actually said was 80% of the women that I send the first set of questions to don’t respond. A few will close the match but the very large percent of them just don’t respond. To me that says they don’t believe the matcjes are close and have very little confidence in them(maybe less than me). With regards to not thinking I have much in common with matches, I get a lot of those looking for big adventures (skydiving, ziplining, mtn climbing) while I have indicated that I shy away from adventure. Meanwhile some fan interest in college or pro sports is a requirement from my side and I rarely get women who are sports fans. Can’t seem to get the criteria correct with Eharmony. In match.com, I have required “watching sports” in my criteria as a required shared interest.
Very interesting, Steve. I would say that something sounds very wrong. If you’ve answered the relationship questionnaire indicating that you don’t like adventure, and you’re being sent adventure seekers there’s a clear problem with you account. Because we tend to make on deeper and more basic issues, like intelligence and ambition to name a couple it isn’t unheard of that you might be matched with someone who doesn’t share your particular hobby. We would rather have you meet a women who isn’t a huge sports fan, but is compatible with you in many many other ways. You can always reject her, but that’s an introduction we want to make. In the end, I do suggest you send our Customer Care team a note at http://help-singles.eharmony.com/app/ask. You may need to re-take the questionnaire.
I signed up for EHarmony back in December during a free communication event and met the most amazing woman 5 days after creating my account. We have, quite literally, everything in common and have been dating for about 5 months now. Having been divorced, I never thought it was possible to meet someone that could make me feel this way.
I was skeptical during the first couple of days because I didn’t find any of my matches to be attractive (call me shallow if you must), but it all worked out in the end. It may not happen to most people so quickly but my advice is to give it a try and if you’re not having any luck, try to adjust your settings and see what happens.
EHarmony was hands-down the best $130 that I’ve ever spent.
@Grant, Steve is saying that he sent his GUIDED QUESTIONS sent to potential matches, and that 80% haven’t replied. I am also having the same trouble as Steve and I am starting to get frustrated as well.
I really don’t like how we are sent matches that are unsubscribers and not told they haven’t subscribed yet. So then they can’t response. So then we are left wondering if they can reply back to us or not and/or why they haven’t closed or replied to us. That is one big flaw in Eharmony in my opinion.
Don’t get me wrong I have a few friends that have been matched and married happily through Eharmony. But for people like me that are having a harder time, I hope you can see where I’m coming from.
Side note: I have sent about 50%-60% of ALL my matches questions, been on one date in about 7+ months of using this site. About 5-10% have replied from step 1. I’ve been on a lot more dates from meeting people in person then this site. I was hoping it would have been the other way around.
@Bryan thanks for your post. Yes, eHarmony has worked well for many people, and no it doesn’t work for everyone. That’s something we work on everyday.
I do see where you’re coming from with this. I hope you can understand that our only goal, in fact the only goal that keeps us in business, is making people happy with matches.
So, every decision we make is in an attempt to keep the overall ecosystem of matching healthy and working for the majority of people. We’re big believers in letting new people try eHarmony before they buy. That’s why we give them matches. If they like the match, they subscribe. Every single person who gets a match can respond. Some need to subscribe to respond, but when they see a match that is of interest to them. They do.
Of course, not knowing you or seeing your profile it is hard for me to understand getting such little activity on eHarmony. If I were to look at your account, it might become clear to me in a second. Again, if I were you, and I knew people who had success on eHarmony and I was having no luck, I would be in touch with Customer Care to say, “Please help me get this back on track.” They would love to help you.
Grant, my experiences have been similar to Bryan and others who have invested a lot of time and energy attempting to connect with a variety of matches, but having very little response.
There’s no telling who is actually ACTIVE or even a real MEMBER. Most other dating sites include data on how recently the member has logged on…
Many of the matches with which we communicate may not have been on the site for months! It would be nice to know who of our matches are mutually invested in this process.
Lizzie
I agree with Steve and Aaron as I’ve had the same situation for myself. I’ve been on Eharmony now for 7 months and have only met up with one person. 60% of those I’m matched with don’t have photos…and more than 70% of the ones I’ve been matched with indicate only a MAYBE for wanting kids when I was very firm of my desire to have kids. Even though I state a very local mileage desire, most of my matches are between 2-3 1/2 hours away from me, so I close them immediately.
If this does not change, I will not renew going forward.
I meant that I agree with Steve and Bryan’s comments as I can 100% relate to everything that they are saying, but as a gal!
I have been on EHarmony for 4 months now. Receive very little mail from anyone. I too get matches sent with no picutes and seems just send anybody. Now physical attraction is very important and wow some of the men on there are scary. I think this back and forth email stuff is so time consuming as most of us do this all day long. I too have friends who have met on EHarmony. You can’t by chemistry. Regardless it is very disappointing on the response side of things. I have only met one person and really was not a good match at all. The work involved is ridiculous and I am a gal who believes in hard work – but to find someone you site it just full of set backs. Your methods could improve like really meeting a bunch of these people in person at one time – kind of like Millionaire Matchmaker. I am not feeling very good about spending the money and I did work hard at the profile and have spent way too much time on line and no results.
I have been on eharmony for a month, and there is absolutely no problems. these people leaving comments here are funny…maybe have you ever thought maybe you come off too strong to people and thats why they dont want to answer you? its evident you need help on the dating side, so when you get help, its still not good enough….maybe you should re-evaluate yourself, maybe your not beautiful as you think you are or intelligent as you think you are, and lower your standards
Renee;
I agree that the posters on EH advice Communication Boards are a pretty sharp & amazing group of people.
Sadly, I’m not getting matched with any of them apparently.
Lizzie
I have to say, I’ve had mixed experiences as an EH member, especially during the 3-mo Free Communication Event (FCE).
I had met my soul mate last year through EH- we had an amazing connection both online & in-person (over several months). One week we were planning our lives & futures together, then the next, he abruptly decided he had to be single- permanently.
I’ve given EH a try since then, but either the matches wouldn’t respond or they were:
1) much older than I
2) uneducated
(despite my graduate education)
or
3) completely illiterate &
4) didn’t seem to be EH “material”
(this was primarily during the FCE)
Also, I couldn’t tell who was an active member from those who had filled out a profile during the FCE. I put a lot of time, effort & poured myself into my communication, but was not getting a “return” on my investment.
So, I cancelled my membership. Sadly.
I still believe in the EH matching system, but feel that the more recent members are less “invested” in the process & want to short-cut guided communication or just participate in FCE’s.
Disappointed, but still Hopeful,
“Lizzie”
I think that it’s time for Eharmony to differentiate between those matches that are free subscribers vs. paid…
Additionally, in my opinion, there should never be more than 1 week of free subscribing to anyone, because it eliminates more of the non-serious contenders.
I would agree with Elizabeth that there are many uneducated people on the site as well.
I was given a 3-month gift subscription to eHarmony in 2007 when my divorce was FINALLY finalized! I had been married nearly 25 years, so dating at all was a big step for me. Luckily, someone else had given me a copy of Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D.’s book “Date or Soul Mate” which I read TWICE before signing up for my 3 months.
Within the first 2-1/2 months, I received over 200 potential matches and while I rejected quite a few of them out of hand (and was rejected out of hand by quite a few of them, too) but I hung in there…and on July 14th — WHAM! Up came a match with a man who lived just 40 miles from here and who had so much in common with me, I had to keep pinching myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming! We met in person 6 weeks later and have been inseparable ever since. We are ENGAGED, by the way, but at our ages (I just turned 58 and he will be 60 in a few months) there is no big rush to get married.
I find myself ALWAYS touting the benefits of reading “Date or Soul Mate” BEFORE joining eHarmony and the principles apply whether you decide to try online dating or not. When I finished reading that book for the second time, I knew exactly what I NEEDED and WANTED in a new relationship. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE between needs and wants and not knowing what they are can mean the difference between Boom! and Bust!
kathi
i met my match within the first week,maybe a little longer,,we went for coffee 5 days after communicating.it turned into a 5 hr date and lunch..we kept chatting and phone chatting for a couple more weeks.all of a sudden we realized we were perfect for each other and are now planning a weekend together.we are 59 and 61,not kids,,he is devorced for many yrs,i am a widowwe are like teenagers when we are together,,god bless eharmony..i pray this turns into something permanent..will let you know.