Wouldn’t it be fantastic if there were some well known rules of dating we all followed — sort of like the ones we (usually) adhere to while driving, working or even filing our taxes (sorry, that comes to mind since I just did this). I know I may be dreaming here, but it would just make the dating world such a more welcoming space if everyone followed some basic “kindness” guidelines.
One of my favorite books ever, The Four Agreements, could easily translate into the four rules of dating. In case you haven’t seen these, here are the basics:
#1: Be Impeccable With Your Word. This alone could change the dating landscape tremendously. Can you imagine if people truly said what they meant, were very careful about what they said, and spoke truthfully and honestly? Wow.
#2: Don’t Take Anything Personally. This is a big one. If we could lessen the rejection aspect of dating and not take it to heart, that would be a real blessing. Allowing things to roll off your back and just chalking them up to learning experiences is a great gift.
#3: Don’t Make Assumptions. Ding ding! We are all guilty of this — and not only in dating relationships. Most of the time I have found that what I am assuming about another person is actually wrong! So, the message here is — try not to sit around wasting time analyzing what she/he meant when she said that, etc. It’s a waste of time.
#4: Always Do Your Best. Be the best person you can be in each moment and you will hopefully have little regret. Life feels so much better when you are being an honorable human being and acting accordingly.
What dating rules would you like to see enforced?
Grant Langston — Vice President, Content and Customer Experience
Jeannie Assimos, — Director of Content
Jonathan Beber, — M.A.
Marni Battista — Relationship Expert
Monique A Honaman — Author
Dr. Seth Meyers — Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Sarah Schmermund, M.A. — M.A.
I have no idea if this has been brought up before but I can’t fathom how some people can think certain types of attire are appropriate for a first date, or even a second or third.
Case in point: Flip-flops. Personally, I hate them. And, other than meeting for the first time wearing sweats, I think nothing says, ”I’m too lazy to actually make any effort at dressing myself,” more so than donning flip-flops and meeting your prospective\potential suitor.
No matter what you wear ”up top,” flip-flops reek of lazy! Sandals are a quantum leap forward and more than acceptable. But, unless your first date is at a pool party, or on the beach, flip-flops should most assuredly be completely ruled out as acceptable.
Hi David, You make an extremely good point. And, you should not date girls who wear flip flops on the first date. You should also not want a girl who would wear flip flops on the first date to wear anything else. If that’s who she is … then that’s who she is going to be and not for you. So, while I completely see your idea of a good rule to be a dress code, … maybe it shouldn’t be. None of us want to be deceived and if a dress code were a rule … some of us will be in for a rude awakening when the rules stop applying.
Agreed!
Yes i agree
RULE #1 : Be yourself. Beginning a relationship on false pretense is destined for disaster. They will either like you or they won’t. Who wants to spend the rest of their life pretending to be something they are not just to make someone else happy?
RULE #2 : Not everyone has to “like me”. Just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean they are RIGHT for you. The right person for you will compliment you and your style. If there is too much “work” involved in conversation, or you get the feeling you have to act differently than you are … move on.
RULE #3 : Do you. Get involved in your life. Get busy. Do what you like and enjoy YOUR life. Quit waiting for someone to “show up” and quit doing things you don’t like to do just to find a date. While you’re busy you’ll find that someone and you’ll find them doing things you like to do.
RULE #4 : Do not confuse Sex and Love. This is easier than you think. Everyone knows the difference. Get real about your sexual encounters. If you don’t want to be used, then don’t be. If you’re a “its just sex” kind of person … that’s fine, but don’t think having sex with someone is a bond.
Jennifer-I couldn’t have said it any better.