There are obvious dating and relationship don’ts — like don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t divulge your entire romantic past on a first date (!), but this one kind of creeps up on you and before you know it — it’s game over!
It’s called criticism, and I am sure you have heard of it. It can cause the demise of even the most promising relationships over time. I have seen it happen again and again, unfortunately.
What do you gain from criticizing your partner? Maybe a little ego boost, an “I am right and you are wrong” vibe, which screams of esteem issues to me. Is that temporary feeling of power worth the negative results it causes? Obviously not. Even the most secure person can feel beaten down and defeated when they are criticized. Their emotional walls will eventually go up, the communication suffers, and you know what comes next.
I was watching an episode of Oprah years ago, and never forgot this couple who were on her show and had been happily married for decades. Their secret? Absolutely no criticism allowed. That always stuck with me and even though I can’t say I have abided by that 100% — I sure try.
Another thing criticism does create is disdain, which statistically is a relationship killer and a leading sign of divorce, according to this study and many others we have read about.
You don’t earn the right to be critical of your partner, regardless of the length of time you’ve been together. There is a difference between being honest and putting someone down. Let this serve as a little reminder to us all. Kill ‘em with kindness, people!
Grant Langston — Vice President, Content and Customer Experience
Jeannie Assimos, — Director of Content
Marni Battista — Relationship Expert
Monique A Honaman — Author
Dr. Seth Meyers — Licensed clinical psychologist
Sarah Schmermund, M.A. — M.A.
IT WAS MY “PRIVILEGE” TO HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO
A WOMAN, WHO IN MY ESTIMATION, HAD ALL THE
QUALITIES WHICH WOULD BE CONSIDERED MOST
PREVALENT FOR “A HAPPY MARRIAGE”…….
WE HAD “RESPECT” AND “CONSIDERATION”, FOR
EACH OTHER….WHICH LASTED, FOR NEARLY 40 YEARS, BUT COULD HAVE CONTINUED LONGER, BUT
UNFORTUNATELY CAME TO AN END, DUE TO HER
“UNTIMELY DEATH”…. GOD BLESS HER!!!!
If there is always criticism, there can’t be unconditional love. No body is perfect, but do we love them enough to forgive them. Or no body is perfect, but can we love enough to forgive. Where there is UCL you shouldn’t be critizing all the time, you should think of your partner as yourself, as one together. Let’s say as one together with God.
If there is constant criticism there is not unconditional love. If you love someone you are not criticizing all the time. Nobody is perfect, but do we love them enough to for- give them, or not criticize. Nobody is per- fect, but can we love enough to forgive & Or not criticize. A marriage should be that each think of the other as themself, a couple as one under God.
Unconditional love = complete acceptance of the other person exactly how they are. There is a big difference between criticizing and encouraging someone to improve the things you know they want to work on. I think what this article is saying is, “don’t criticize even some of the time.” Because when you do, what you are truly saying is, “I don’t accept you the way you are right now.” And they may take it as “You don’t accept me anymore.” I think they are specifically talking about the critical “put down”. Many people when feeling down, will put another person down for an ego boost… and the author is pointing out that this sort of thing is very dangerous and damaging to what could be a very happy relationship without the criticism.