She recognizes that within my domain I have much to teach her, and I feel the same way about her. Therefore, we are equals in at least one aspect of our lives. I’m not sure it would work between an intelligent and driven woman and a man who cannot or will not live up to a certain standard (excluding the financial renumeration).

As far as finances are concerned, when I take her out, we tend to go to cultural activities such as museums and concerts. I will take her out for dinner, but my specialty is hole in the wall restos that don’t cost much, but have good food. She is the one that will take us out to restos without prices on the menu and whatnot. Of course, she is totally allowed to take me to McDonalds if she chose (not that we eat at McDonalds).

Vacations are not a problem because she and I don’t stay at the Waldorf anyway. I can afford a share of any vacation we’ve been on so far, but if she proposed something far outside my means I would simply tell her that I would love to go, but I can only afford to contribute x amount of dollars. I would speculate that she would likely take me on such a vacation as a gift, and I would accept without feeling that she had somehow immasculated me.

The take away here is that if you are a woman making over $250,000/year, you’re are going to be limiting your pool of prospects significantly if you want to date a man that is your financial equal. It is better to look to men who enriches your life intellectually and emotionally, and have an early, frank conversation about what types of experiences you will take care of and what you expect him to take care of.

Hope that helps.

Is it a need??

If you find a man that makes the experience of everyday life better, then what NEED would you have more than that? If we is willing to go 50/50 on the bill and pay the whole tab every now and then, and everything else is great, what are you complaining about? He can’t run off to Croatia with you? He can’t buy you shoes or jewelry? That’s a need? If there are things that he just can not afford to do, but you want to do with him, then pay for it. You seem to be fine if he flips the bill for you- why be so hypocritical to not be willing to do so for him? Otherwise there are a lot of really great restaurants, activities, and vacations I’m certain he could afford to split or pay for in total that simply experiencing together can make so much more rewarding than doing something that costs more than he can afford. If you can make up the difference between what he can afford and what you want but you are unwilling to do so that is all you. Now if HE was to be the one to request those spurges, that would be an issue, but if he doesn’t, why not?

I don’t know how to handle this. I am VERY successful and I WORK to be SUCCESSFUL. I am a single Mom and as such want my son raised to enjoy a certain lifestyle. I could personally care less what the man in my life makes as long as he has character, is trustworthy, reliable, genuine, loving and willing to show the same to my son.

Can a man feel something other than ‘not validated as a man’ when a woman can and does pay her own way? What is the real message. Pay your way or be dependant? We used to joke in graduate school that those who were the most successful had ‘wives.’ There are times in my life when I NEED A WIFE due to hectic scheduling and just being tired of making a living, grocery shopping, cooking, going to the cleaners and being Assist. Coach on the baseball team!

As a financial person, my choice of mate will not determine where I want my son to live, go to school, or associate with. The mate will provide me with love, emotional support and some relief from the bills… not necessarily a 50/50 financial arrangement
Oh…. fyi: what is the code “you don’t scare me?” I hear that A LOT.

Personally, it no longer bothers me to date women who make more income than me. At the same time though, it’s always been a bit of a double standard in dating.

About 70% of women that I have dated have expected me to flip the bill in just about everything. Dinners, movies, gas, even rent(the few that made it to the moving in part of a relationship). Granted, as i’ve gotten older, more and more women that i encounter would voice that they -want- to pay for things as well. While i may still pay for dinner most nights, it’s nice to have a woman from time to time say something along the lines of ‘you know what, i’ll pay this time’ or ‘you don’t always have to pay for everything you know.’

At this point, it’s not so much become emasculating for me to meet a woman who can support herself. It’s actually very refreshing meeting a woman who pays her own bills and offers to, even occasionally, treat -me- to dinner. It’s come to my attention though, that as women start to make more money themselves, they still want a man who makes more than them. Probably for the same reason another poster mentioned. To be taken out to nice dinners on occasion or well, whatever an occasional expensive event/gift would be.

I personally love my job, but it doesn’t pay a whole lot. To be more exact, i am in the army bomb squad(EOD). While i have supported myself for a long time, my job really only pays barely more than the average american income for 2010. And yes, i have been turned down after a woman figures out that ‘i don’t make enough to live up to her standards’. Or flat out told me that ‘even though you’re a great guy, being with you would force me to lower my standard of living.’

Personally, i believe this comes down to traditions instilled onto children, based on interaction they see between their parents, media and society, but that’s another topic completely.

I would love to find an amazing woman who has similar values and interests, regardless of her financial status. To understand me, she will have had to have some success in life, but that success would not have to translate into money…..she would just have to be successful at something that really matters to her.

I also am constantly downplaying what I do. I use to say proudly I am an attorney and I run my own firm, then would leave it at I run a business, now I’m down to saying I manage an office. Otherwise, the other type of guys, the ones that are intimidated by my profession wouldn’t even give me a chance. It is really sad.

I wouldn’t look at a man solely based on money he makes and I could date someone who makes less than me. It seems to be the men that have more of a problem with this. Because of my profession, many men automatically assume I make more than them which is rarely even the case because I don’t have benefits and running a business is very expensive not to mention 100K in student debt.

I want to make sure a man has a profession and makes enough money to support himself. I’m not going to support some unemployed guy. But other than that, thats the extent to which I factor in money. It seems to be the men that have a problem feeling like the man with a successful driven independant woman.

Good luck ladies- We all need it