Many of my friends have settled into this complacent dating zone with what we like to refer to as a “meantime guy.” This is the guy they have fun with, hang out with, but also know that for whatever reason, won’t ever settle down with. Often times it is the meantime guy who is commitment phobic, but the ladies just accept this and choose to spend their time with him anyways (perhaps secretly hoping he will change his tune).
Now, if your objective is to spend your life with one partner or get into a committed relationship … should you choose to spend a lot of time and energy with this meantime guy? I think the answer is obvious, but I see it happening again and again. I have asked my girlfriends why they still invest anything into this situation, and the answer is usually, “ At least I am not alone. It’s someone to hang out with.”
I get that sometimes it may seem easier just to settle for this arrangement and live life in the moment, but ultimately, does the meantime guy help or hurt these women? I am sorry to say I have to give this situation, in most cases, a big don’t. I just feel that while you are hanging with MG, you aren’t noticing who else may be lurking in the background. Don’t you think these women would have a better shot at finding the right guy if their hearts and minds were open and clear, instead of distracted by MG? Maybe I am missing something…
I know it is a process and journey of self-discovery, but my hope is that all women in this situation have an “aha” moment soon. Would love to know your thoughts on this one!
Grant Langston — Vice President, Content and Customer Experience
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That’s a DEALBREAKER, ladies!
Yeah I agree, spending best years with a Alpha and settling with a stable Beta is not going to happen.
One of the greatest gifts a women can give is the best young years to her husband.
You’re kidding right?
If we were playing anti-feminist bingo…and betas are notorious JERKS in meeks’ clothing.
I agree that being with a Meantime Guy is a huge “don’t”. I had a friend who referred to hers as “a soft place to land” recently, which hey, I understand everyone can use sometimes. But, I still think being with him made her complacent and also took her out the dating world for a minute. She wants nothing more than to be married yesterday, so it seemed like a waste of time to me. She has since broken up with him, though, so hopefully she’s on to better things!
I have known women since high school that were into “meantime guy.” I have always been someone that would never get into a relationship unless there was at least some discussion about the long term. Two considerations I always had in mind were, what if I get attached to this woman and she bolts? Also, what happens if I meet someone I find a genuine long-term appeal for? Do I now ditch the short-time “port in a storm” for this new possibility?
I never looked at women in relationships, even women in relationships with what I considered to be short-term affection. If a woman is willing to leave another man for me because I appear more together, more exciting or just simply “more”, then she is going to be just as willing to leave me for the next bigger, better deal.
You are so right on Dylan. I don’t care if a guy says he is not into commitment, so he is your meantime guy. He sounds like a wounded animal to me and its not sporting to chase down the wounded and watch him bleed out! Now woman that are hoping to change him and just say he is meantime because he has made it clear not commitment, well patching up a snake will get you bit. I know you are speaking as a man, me as a woman, but I think we agree. Meantime relationships are just mean and I don’t want a meannie!
Thanks for this article. Being with a meantime guy can be fun in the short-term but painful in the long run. They tend to be super charming, do what it takes to keep you but not give their heart and commitment which causes you to keep hoping and working to change them.
I just left such a man after one year, I am lonely but I value myself enough to let go of him for someone who is ready for commitment. Even if you feel that he might change, letting him go make gives him time to work on his unwillingness to commit and get some help. No matter what you do some will never become committed to you.
Ola-you are right about this. The meantime guy is a charmer. I, too, recently spent two years with a meantime guy. We dated for one year and then became friends w/benefits. My hope was that he would change his mind and want to be more again. Never happened. I decided I was not settling for the meantime anymore. Best of luck to all of you on your quest for love.
I think I am currently in the same situation ..if only for a couple of months. The man .. good person..wants me to commit to going places and dates in the future with him, but does not want to open his inner sanctum of life to me..He has been honest about his failed relationships..so basically he is telling me he doesn’t do long term very well..but is a great friend and lover for now…I think it is time for me to regroup and move on…
I totally agree.I have recently been dating a girl who had many of the qualities I was looking for and felt a strong attraction towards her. She also displayed signs she felt the same way. After a few months together and “the conversation”, it was clear she was not ready to enter an exclusive relationship. Her reason was she was scared, but couldnt tell me the reason she was scared.So I backed off and after some more time had passed by, I approached her again only to get the same response. So I had to make the choice to stop seeing her to protect myself and assume I was a meantime guy.Or would she have become my meantime girl? I think staying with someone who you know is not the one you are truly interested in is just inconsiderate, hurtful, selfish and plain wrong.
I was with a MG for 10 years. I knew what I wanted but it got too comfortable that it was just easier to keep seeing him even though I knew it wasn’t going to get me anywhere. That finally ended last year and I recently met this guy and had gone out for a couple of dates. I don’t know if I did it the right way but I texted him (so convenient right?) and told him that if he was “just looking to have fun, that I don’t know …” and never heard from him. I kicked my butt for a couple of days thinking it was too soon to bring up something like that, let alone through a text message but you know what? I was being true to myself and what I want (or didn’t want) and I’m looking at it where I’m better off ending it now (while there’s not much invested) and not getting too attached to Mr. MG who will be Mr. Wrong anyway. Save myself the heart break.
You did right by questioning the second guy about his intentions, Jane. Being upfront is so important from the start of a relationship. Know where you both stand and what is wanted from each in the relationship. If he is an undercover MG (b/c you have those as well), it’s best to weed him out early (if that is not what you are looking for).
Jane, I think you did the right thing. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your intentions right off the bat. As a man who IS looking for a LTR, I’d find it reassuring that the woman I’m dating is thinking along the same lines as myself. Keep yourself open; your guy is out there…
I totally agree with Greg, you should be up front with a guy and question his intentions. Save yourself the hassle of wasted time. There are men out there who invite that and are not interested in games.
Yay!!!
Good job Jane
!!
The meantime guy is silly to be dating, why not just friends with benefits instead? That way it’s someone you understand and trust, you both benefit, but when going out to potentially “meeting new people” events, you don’t prevent each other from meeting new people.
True: I’m a ltr preferred HUGE monogamist and a real FWB has never gone wrong for me. And the trapis it usually the guys who can’t take the hit to the ego, even if they’re not emotionally invested. Make sure it’s a an FWB, emphasis on the F and talk about your rules and boundaries. As necessary. And as with any relationship, be ready to walk when those conditions are not met or arr not amenable to you both.
I got a divorce six years ago, after 12 years of marriage. I got two adorable teenage sons out of it all and I went back to the dating scene almost immediately just by the fact that I love the company of men and I’m in love with love. In the last two years I’ve been seeing an MG who has a similar background as I. We know it’s going nowhere,and I’ve told him that should either of us meet someone well and good. We avoid the Marriage issue like the plague. We almost have similar interests,(he doesn’t swim
), we take exotic vacations, he takes care of a lot of things both financial and emotional. He’s a darling. Why would I wanna spoil that? It’s doable depending on what stage of life you’re in. Am 42; I should just enjoy this life. Frankly speaking, I got nothing to loose. If my heart breaks I’ll just go back and love again!
Waiting for “Mr. Right” and not settling for “Mr. Right Now” is hard to do when you’re feeling lonely and this article helps reinforce the reasons why I’m not settling. Thanks!
Totally agree Jodi! Me to, no plans on settling either although waiting for that someone sucks!
Hm, I see the appeal. Right now I’m sick of being alone. I’d settle for anyone, no matter if it’s “the one”. But I think this is also unfair for the guy in question. He may be a Meantime Guy, but you may not be a Meantime Girl for him.
I am currently a mg for someone, but the truth be told. we have talked long term and I want longterm… not husband and wife but the guy friend, the occasional lover, I truly see myself babysitting her kids (when she has them) for her and her husband some day, so they can go out kid free. I love her enough to know that I am not what she wants forever, and am ok with that. we go to clubs and she knows that there is someone that is watching her, keeping her safe. she need not have one night stands just because she wants a man in the bed, she is not really into sex anyway, so most of the time it is just cuddling. and you know I am very comfortable doing that. it works for us, for now, and I hope the future. I only hope that when she finds him, the one, that he too will understand, if not well, I love her I will not stand in the way.
So you don’t see yourself with her in long term relationship…I feel I am in the same situation just on the other side I am that girl. I found a person who I should be in love with but I am not. I want it to be friendship long lasting and true, but its hard because I feel like I hurt him all the time even though he knows what the story is. I am lonely but waiting for independence and love time on my own but when we meet I don’t want to let go. Sometimes I think that I am selfish but I hate hurting him so every time we fight I hope we find that golden middle and we do…for awhile. On the other hand I told him that I want him to date someone who worth him first so I would be more hurt than him…i don’t know where it all leads…i just wish all the time that he will be happy and we will be able to be best friends.
I understand your situation. I have been seeing this guy for 8 months now. I have been very upfront that that I am not ready for a relationship with him. He would do anyting in the world for me. I am very hesitant to put my heart out there since the relationship I was in before that ended bad. I thought I had found the one after dating many different guys after my divorce. After 6 months of dating he started having panic attacks when we would spend time together. He told his therapist that I reminded him of his ex wife. I reminded him of why he married her. He is not in love with her just bitter for the pain she caused him. We have tried to stay friends and talk off and on. And even tried to do things together but he is not ready. Sadly this bad relationship has not allowed me to open my heart since. So the mg relationship works for now.
After being single for 2 years I’ve started going out with a guy who seems totally into me but I’m not feeling it. It’s been three months. We haven’t gone farther than cuddling and kissing. Part of me is hoping that I’ll come around, He’s a great guy. At the same time I don’t want to waste HIS time or lead him on if for some reason I DON’T come around. I’m thinking I’m the “meantime GIRL”. in this situtaion.
I’m with Holy. I think it depends on the age of the woman and what’s she’s looking for. I dated a man for 3 years and broke up with him two years ago but still see him once or twice a week. Our sex life is better than ever and we rarely disagree let alone argue and we used to constantly. I have teenaged kids, a demanding job and an active social life, honestly, for now at least, I am very happy having a friend and lover rather than a committed relationship.
Martha. I see long term rocking in the chair on the portch with her relationship… but not marriage. the point to me is marriages end these days, I want more than that. maybe I am just jaded from the way my marriage endded, but I want someone that will always be there and anymore a wife, or a husband will not be. it no longer means what it once did. I also know she want kids of her own, where as I am done raiseing mine, and do not want to start over. so I want her happy, with me or without, but I will still be around after the next ex….
The term UNDERCOVER MG was used in one comment. Anyone care to explain what that is and how to recognize him?
In my mid thirties I had a Meantime Guy. We travelled together, went out to dinner, spent the night – all the while, I knew that the relationship would not grow any further. He made it quite clear that he did not want marriage. At that time, I was satisfied with the arrangement. I had been married before and had joint custody of my Son. It seemed as though I was doing all the running – jokingly calling myself a “bag lady” for all the times I would bring groceries to his home to cook a Friday night or Saturday dinner. Often I would feel guilty about leaving my teenage Son at home. I did a balancing act between working as a Nurse with shift work, being a caring Mother and at the same time having a lover. It wasn’t easy. Seemed as though I was doing most of the giving. Well as it turned out, I became pregnant at 40 (not planned) and we had a beautiful daughter together. We moved in together for five six years. Our relationship eventually broke down and he became a serial dater. The warning signs were all there and I chose to ignore them. It was not a waste of time for me, because I enjoyed life to the fullest. Had I waited for “Mr. Right” to come along, I might still be waiting! In the meanwhile, I did get married again and now I live alone with my cat! So, I’d say – enjoy life, don’t get hung up about committment – unless it is really important to walk down that isle in a white dress, have babies or call yourself Mrs. I’ve done it all, and I”m still waiting for the “Right” man to come along – but not with breath held! By the way, my children are doing great, love their Mom and now I have a couple of ex’s who like me as their friend. We talk all the time! Good luck with your search!!!!!
Women always gets stuck with a MG because of fear. Fear of being alone and not finding the right “one”. Women will also believe they can change a MG to be the “right” one.
I have a MT. Relationship that I know will never go anywhere. Just not to be alone–thought it would be enough, it’s not.–bad idea to settle, very unsatisfaying and a waste of time.
this is a good one..Hey if there is mutual attraction go for it..but if its not what you really want in a LTR ..dont stay with it ..because the longer you do the more Painful the break.BE up front about it!..this is where people play GAMES,lie & cheat..!BE true to yourself or else…we live in a world like the one we are in right now ..very flakey..especially with the internet !What examples have we set for our kids ?..next question ..what about gold diggers/sugar daddys/swingers ..have FUN !!
What about the feelings of the “meantime” guy. Why is it all the dating advice is for what a woman wants. What about what men want. Or better yet, how to make things work as a partnership. I have seen too many couples break up and I have had my heart broken a couple of times. It has become socially acceptable for people to hurt each other emotionally and “move on”. I am disgusted by it.
OMG you are so right!I have been read some of these posts and cannot believe what I am reading. It scares the heck out of me to know that some women think this way. I have recently been dating a girl who had many of the qualities I was looking for and felt a strong attraction. She also displayed signs she felt the same way. After a few months together and “the conversation”, it was clear she was not ready to enter an exclusive relationship. Her reason was she was scared, but couldnt tell me the reason she was scared.So I backed off and after some more time had passed by aprroached her again only to get the same response. So I had to make the choice to stop seeing her to protect myself and assume I was a meantime guy.Or would she have become my meantime girl? I think staying with someone who you know is not the one you are truly interested in is just inconsiderate, hurtful, selfish and plain wrong.
I have to disagree with this one. It has always been socially acceptable to STAY in awful relationships, teach our children that no matter how dysfunctional the situation is to stick it out and in turn teach them what loving relationships should NOT look like. People do not die becuase they become parents. They still have the right to be happy. If the relationship breaks down to the point of it being really bad and a really bad environment for their children (of course this is if there are children in the picture) someone should leave. I ALWAYS believe two seperate happy parents are better than two miserable ones. So I don’t think anyone here is saying that it’s acceptable to just hurt people but really that it’s better to be healthy than unhealthy.
We can date “MG” only for sex (it really can be better than nothing) and, at the same time, looking for a serious one; when we meet him, we can easily break up with the “no-commitment MG”!
kh, I so agree with you! “MG” is honest enough to say “No-commitment” I am honest enough to say I want this MG only for sex. It’s a mutual agreement; so when I find the one who is looking for a serious relationship I will break up with the “no-commitment MG!” (happy endings) I am so happy to know there is another female that thinks like me : )
Ok, so am I the only person who thinks you should be in a committed relationship before having sex? It all seems so shallow
I only hope that you are being honest with the guy you are doing this to. If not be careful, that will happen to you as well.I agree if MG is not commiting that is not fair to you, however is that why you are still staying or chasing him because there is a chase?
Yeah – the MG for sex does make sense, as long as you can keep it compartmentalized and be open to relationship-worthy guys.
I recently dated a man who gave “mixed messages” about what he wanted in a relationship. He was charming and complimentary, but always seemed to need space. I avoided having a serious conversation about our relationship because I did not want to “rock the boat.”. But it was not clear if he was a MG. How and at what point in a relationship is it right to have this conversation without putting pressure on the other person?
I´d say you be clear about what you want, because you are responsible for your happiness and needs, but not in a we-need-to-talk kind of way, but in a this-is-what-I-need-to-be-happy way. If he´s good for you, he´ll want to fit into that, if he is not, he´ll weed himself out.
Very well said!
I agree. You must have the talk. Be honest with and to yourself. I spent 3 and 1/2 years with Mr. MG. because I thought he will change his mind/his feelings. Nope, It did not happen, I had to stop lying to myself, broke up the relationship. He has unresolved issues anyway that I cannot help him with. I wish him the best.
Helllooooo – where are all these “men” in the background?? At my age, I’m lucky to have a guy in my life at all. For every one guy there are thousands of women out there, waiting to grab him. I’d rather have the MG guy in my life than none at all.
I agree! Except I’ve not gone further than the third date (about twice), and usually not further than the first-meet, in the last 11 years. There is no “meantime guy” in the meantime, AND no LTR guy on the horizon (or others lurking in the background hoping to become LTR guy).
I’ve wanted someone to grow old with since my teens…and it’s beginning to look like, after failing at marriage, it will never happen for me.
I think it´s a toughie… I have been single for a year now bacause I want a real-deal guy; but I have this very noticeable (and quite enjoyable)sparks with a guy at work, who is not what I am looking for, as in he has a baby with a much younger woman, he seems to be in a financially messy spot in his life, etcetera. It´s just been flirtation so far, but he seems to be getting more intent on his attentions. Work ethics aside, if he were to ask me out, my brain would say to turn him down, but I´d feel like it´s a kill joy. Weird, ha?
My take…
Why must we, as women, think that we only need one man? If you are having fun, and have a great time with this guy..why stop? Have your good time, and go out with ten others too. Its very validating, and I’m enjoying the variety!! Enjoy them all I say.
I am in a MG relationship just over a year now. The first time we met he said if the right chick comes around then it shall be; however, a year later he has made it very clear that he is very commitment phobic and I’m okay with it because I can’t see myself settling for him. I am not out to try to change him whatsoever, I have a very social fun active life before and after I met him (I was not lonely and I love my space). I have accepted my MG because we have an incredible charisma towards each other. I am not with him out of fear of being alone. We hang out often; we have a blast when we’re together. The sex is great (main reason why I still see him)! We both know we will never have a LTR. He is very charming and I believe he will do anything to keep me…should I end this MG?
I am undecided on this point. I am in a relationship with a man 15 younger than myself. He sought me out…please…no “cougar” references. I didn’t approach this situation thinking that anything more than friendship would come of it. 3 months later…I am in love with this man and he feels the same about me. HOWEVER~ I keep feeling like this relationship will not “go the distance.” Can he really “grow old” with me? I am 45 and he is 30. What happens as time goes by? I almost wish that I hadn’t developed feelings for him. I love him but I am so skeptical about the future. I have never been with a man younger than I am. I don’t know what to think. I guess it’s just a scary prospect that I could end up alone at a point where I am only “older”. Totally confused!
I think you are right to be concerned with going the distance. In my experience, regardless of whether the male or female is the older one, usually there’s got to be a trade-off. One is sacrificing their youth inexchange for money, connections and advancement. At least that’s most cases. Rarely do I see a big age difference couple lasting for more than 5 to 10 years.
I personally got involved with someone 19 years older than me when i was in my 20s- although we are still dear friends, she and i both realized it wouldn’t last. I would say anything more than 8 to 10 year age difference begins to get challenging to maintain.
If a man doesn’t know himself or have a life path/plan he is following and is drifting along, then he will remain the MG indefinitely no matter who comes along. Maybe that’s why this topic is so popular. Too many men don’t know what their role is or their life’s mission… and although i can’t speak for women, maybe they are confused about what they really want verses what they’ve been indoctrinated to believe how their life should be.
lulu….. I was where you are now. WE Kissed and saw each other a couple of times, he seemed so perfect for me, we got along peaches and cream, laughing, going places, liking the same music, and he loved to read. BUT I knew from the start, it wasn’t going anywhere, so I ended it and wished him the very best
We NEVER had SeX – I knew that would be trouble, and then hard to end, so it was easy for me to move on, although I still think of him now and then with sweet memories
Love is a strange thing Lulu, and a very personal issue for all of us, what I do is weight the pros and cons of a Relationship before I move on or move forward……
I’m with the “meantime guy”!!! The reason I’m with him is I haven’t found anyone else. I’m single middle-aged Mom and don’t have allot of time to meet other dates. I’ve tried on line dating and friends have tried to set-me-up with dates. I’m thinking that I will just get myself out there and when it happens, it happens.I don’t get all worked up not being with my “future guy”. I don’t want to grow old alone when the kids are grown either. The meantime guy does not live with me and I don’t see him only a couple times a week, if that, for sex. I have no desire to marry him ever, he is the one that is more into me than I am him. I would be settling if I did marry him and I’m not doing that. Any ideas as to meeting guys that aren’t only interested in sexual relationships?
i have to disagree here. i am currently “single,” but have a meantime guy. we are not serious, we don’t even make out. we might peck here and there, though.
i think meantime guys are GREAT as long as both of you know what the situation is, and neither of you is hoping for more. he is getting ready to move so he’s not looking for anything serious either. neither of us has any expectations or puts any pressure on the relationship. it’s a here and now enjoy it while it lasts situation, and that’s how we like it. 
he’s very sweet, supportive, makes me laugh, and just gets me. it’s like having a best friend who i also get to cuddle with and sometimes kiss if the mood presents itself with absolutely NO strings attached. perfect!!
i call him up when i want to go out and do things during the week because my friends are all in serious jobs and don’t do anything on week nights. i go to dinner with him to get out of the house. we watch movies together when my girlfriends are all out of town or busy. we talk on the phone, text, send funny fwds through email to each other. he keeps me from sitting home alone and feeling lonely and depressed. we both know this is a meantime thing. i’m not interested right now in going out and finding a “serious” thing, so until i am ready to date again, this meantime guy keeps me from being a boring hermit. my girlfriends are great, but very busy working gals. they don’t have a lot of time for hanging out. only on weekends. that’s fine, so this guy helps me have a social life outside of my computer.
I have recently been dating a girl who had many of the qualities I was looking for and felt a strong attraction. She also displayed signs she felt the same way. After a few months together and “the conversation”, it was clear she was not ready to enter an exclusive relationship. Her reason was she was scared, but couldnt tell me the reason she was scared.So I backed off and after some more time had passed by aprroached her again only to get the same response. So I had to make the choice to stop seeing her to protect myself and assume I was a meantime guy.Or would she have become my meantime girl? I think staying with someone who you know is not the one you are truly interested in is just inconsiderate, hurtful, selfish and plain wrong.
Yeah.. it’s better not to get involved with the meantime guy.. I’ve been in that exact scenario.. and just recently seem to be heading right back there. It’s not that I don’t learn from situations… The difference this time.. is that the MG didn’t advertise that is what he was (not that they do!). Instead he was the one that wanted a relationship and I was the one that wasn’t looking.. and he nagged and persisted so much.. That I did some introspection. I was out of a relationship as I didn’t want to be the meantime girl. I didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t willing to be serious and in a committed relationship. And now, here was someone saying that is what he wanted.. Why was I turning him away? I mean, we have fun, we have chemistry and importantly.. we could talk about anything. What was the problem? So I let down my guard and took a chance. And it turns out.. that he really didn’t want any of what he said.. He was a meantime guy after-all.. And he wanted me to be not just his meantime girl.. but his Friday girl.. as that would be the only time I would see him. So I had to make up my mind. Go back to that.. or walk away? So I walked away.
Moral: Love you more.
I agree, Paul. Your’e not doing yourself or the other person any favors by hanging in there because your options are limited.
Nicely said!
Have to say, I’ve never wanted to be with someone if it wasn’t oriented to be a LTR. Left my last relationship in February, spent 6 months half way across the country tending to difficult parental health issues until parents passed away. Very draining. In the middle of it, I met the perfect MG. I knew I was in a M Girl stage myself – being 5000 miles from home, having no intention of living there, being pretty emotionally unavailable, myself, due to all of the emotional overload from failing parental health traumas. He was like a beautiful long tall glass of water in the desert. He was 10 yrs younger than me, a puppy at 40. I think he had no idea how old I was. (Yes, I’m in very good shape.) We had similar interests/hobbies in some ways, and were very very different other ways (Republican vs lefty; big pharma rep vs enviro-freak). Didn’t matter. We never discussed it. His girlfriend had just dumped him. I was serving time in hospitals and horrible elder care facilities, being strong for my parents. When we met, instant spark. We waited a bit (I’m usually a 3 – 6 month waiter) and then just said what the heck. Couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Like a couple of teenagers. He lived in the next state, cooked up reasons to make the 3 – 4 hr drive. We had a totally fun sex-based fling. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere, not sure what he thought. We didn’t talk about it. Just had fun and entertained ourselves. His ex-gf (who was 10 yrs younger than he was!) eventually decided she wanted to try to come back. I encouraged him — they’d been together 5 years and it seemed a shame to walk away from that. So I told him, he had my blessing to go back and give it a shot. Which he did. Haven’t seen him since, though we still communicate every once in a while. Was a wonderful fun time, just what I needed, no harm no foul. We both ended up OK. Never done anything like that before, but have to say it was so much fun just to have a really light little fling with a pretty nice guy who was very sexy and a fantastic lover. Didn’t stop me from dating other guys, either. THough I would not sleep with more than one guy at a time,ever. And I still adhere to my 3 – 6 month rule. But what a totally fun exception that was. Sweet young thing
Yeah I totally agree! I used to spend lots of time with a really close guy friend who liked me off and on but never had any real commitment. It was really hard for me because I liked him a lot. Recently I cut things off and feel tons better because of it! It’s a sense of freedom even though I do miss him.
The meantime guy has done lot more damage because he can’t deal with the concept of a woman thinking he’s the meantime guy. I mean that literally. He can’t wrap his head around it and he thinks she’s “dating like a man”: a man-eating, dirt-eating, lying h* who’s secretly in love with them or just a callous b*. These are your options. Most if them will make it known at some point.
And usually to regain control if they sense they might be on their way out or, ha-get this- on their way in to a relationship theyre not in unilateral control of.
The only thing changed since the “sexual revolution” is the frequency with which some men have sex and the quality of their female partners. Many men of MANY heterosexual persuasions still can’t wrap their heads around female sexual or romantic autonomy when it’s convergent with their own desires. and they will make her pay for it, either way.
If you haven’t met a nasty one, ladies, you’re either too lucky or you haven’t been dating long enough. The one you give in to during a dry spell cam be your worst nightmare and leave you too damaged for the decent. Buyer beware.
Well, not the only thing changed, thank goodness, but it ain’t Scandinavia out here. We like to pay lipservice to a lot of things and it’s really confusing if ever expect the words to be true.
Right w/ you, Dani. What a mess! MG who are wannabe players are the worst!! Even when you say you’re not in the market for something long term with them, they pull that whole routine from beginning to end. It’s a domination thing and can really get to you if you stay in the situation too long. Or if they start stalking you.
@morefun: it’s so nice when MGs are not crazy, isn’t it? Glad for u.
Also he’s what you call a buddy.Which is normal and healthy… it’s not insulting or using unless you’re on different pages or manipulating or lying. Which, you know, you could be actually dating if you wanted to worry about that…
Ps: women have their own similar dysfunctions, just nobody normalizes it, not even women. And the article is about men.
How does objectify a person in the “meantime” benefit you in the long run?
There is something to be said for people who are strong enough to stand on their own and appreciate all that life has to offer.
If you make a habit out of using people to better your life, what makes you deserving of a committed and unconditional relationship?
I just (hesitantly,I might add)broke off with my MG… took me 3 months to finish it. I see that I can do this without a crutch!
where’s the article on meantime woman?
I met a beautiful man who is shorter than me, younger than me & in much better shape than me. He used to say he wanted to date someone shorter, younger & Asian. I’m the exact opposite. Yet as he has entered into relationships in the past couple years with his “ideal partner,” he is not satisfied and tells me his girlfriends are jealous of me and our friendship. There is a spark between us & our friends often talk as if he & I are in a relationship (inviting us together to events & so on.) It reminds me of Harry & Sally, frankly. It’s not as if there are lots of men asking me out. Even on eHarmony, men have approached me only to have me discover the last line of their profile reads, “no fatties!” Yeah. Thanks. I just want to be loved for who I am. My hope is to be someone’s friend before they accept me as a lover. My man friend has asked me, “How is it we never got together?” My answer? Everything happens in its own time. Maybe someone will drop in on my wave & whisk me away. Maybe then my friend will realize what he lost by waiting. He knows I’m attracted to him: His girlfriends told him as much & he believes them, despite my neither confirming nor denying. Yet, he always comes back to me. I’m so open minded about who I’m attracted to physically that I can’t understand people shutting themselves off to people outside of certain parameters. It makes no sense.
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I totally feel this whole article, Ive had several MG in my few years, to me I know what kind of guy i would want to end up with but I like having fun w guys that I know nothing beyond enjoying the moment is ever going to happen