Comments on: Ladies, Does Tracy McMillan Know Why You’re Not Married?

By: missy

missy — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 22:52:39 +0000

My only question to all of this, why do women have to change EVERYTHING! AND I MEAN EVERYTHING!about them to get a man and marry one and keep him? what do men have to do? to get a woman and marry her and keep her?? its all of the blame is on women all of these books lately shoulders all of the responsiblity on us (women, I thought a relationship was a two way street, can someone explain this to me please. Thank you

By: Grant Langston, Senior Director, Content

Grant Langston, Senior Director, Content — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 16:17:54 +0000

Hi Cynthia,

I’m not sure I follow your logic. If you give to your spouse 80% of the time, why does this correlate to being disregarded? I see this as a mentality of service. My wife is tired, and so I cook dinner and clean up. Because giving to her in this way and expecting nothing in return is the essence of marriage. This little act of service increases her regard for me, and she values me even more because of my willingness to help her.

But of course the catch her is that she should have the same mentality. A relationship where one person gives and gives and gives and gives and the other person never lifts a finger would be a disaster.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 07:32:47 +0000

The 80/20 rule does not have the meaning that is described here. The 80/20 rule means that in marriage, you only get 80% of what you want. When a married person has an affair, that fling feels like 100% but in reality, it’s only the fulfilling the 20% that you are missing in your marriage.

If what you say is true – give 80% of the time and expect to get back only 20%, then 80% of the time I am being disregarded and undervalued. It is impossible to be fulfilled in a relationship where you are only getting 20% of your needs met.

By: Grant Langston, Senior Director, Content

Grant Langston, Senior Director, Content — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 21:35:00 +0000

Hi Dave,
Thanks for the comment. No question, in my experience, that a large percentage of single men and women are largely to blame for their situation. Of course, the flip side of that is that they have the power to make it better. They have the power to change what needs changing and to be the solution.

By: dave

dave — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 23:19:59 +0000

Nice blog. I only wish some women will be mature enough to accept the unpleasant reality that, in most cases, they are the cause of their own singleness.