He Said, She Said: How eHarmony Worked for Us

August 27, 2009

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Meet eHarmony success couple Stephanie and Josh and learn why they chose to use eHarmony and how they made it work for them. It worked so well, in fact, that Stephanie came to work for eHarmony after she was no longer a customer.

stephandjoshwedding1 He Said, She Said: How eHarmony Worked for Us

Stephanie’s point of view:

My name is Stephanie and I have worked for eHarmony for the last five years. I started out on the phone team in our Customer Care department and have worked my way up to being a specialized point of contact for our success stories. I absolutely love my job and haven’t looked back once. Before coming to work here, I was first an eHarmony customer.  Now, to the real heart of my story and how this all got started…

Back in 2003, my roommate and I would often have long discussions about why we couldn’t meet the right kind of men. Both of us were in professions dominated by women, and at the ripe old age of 22, the bar scene had already worn out its welcome.

At the recommendation of my sister, we tried eHarmony. In order to maximize our online dating potential, we also joined one of the “other” sites. We both took the eHarmony questionnaire and started receiving matches. My roommate had four matches on the first day while it took several days for me to receive any matches at all. I thought to myself, “This is why I am single; there is not one person who is compatible with me!” What I needed to realize was that my roommate received matches so quickly because she had opened her match settings to the entire United States. She enjoyed conversing with men a time zone away while I needed to wait patiently while eHarmony searched for someone closer in location to me.

To be honest, at first the other site seemed to be more fun. I could search and chat instantly with others who were online. However, like the bar scene, that quickly became old. I continued to see the same people over and over and really didn’t feel like they were any different from those I was already meeting on my own.

I felt that eHarmony was finding men much more in line with what I needed in a relationship. They had much more substance. I guess that would be my first tip of advice – be patient and let the eHarmony system work for you. This is the most important decision you are going to make in your life, so why rush it?

I did get more matches as the days went by, and then I started communicating with people. Using Guided Communication was a great way to get to know each other. I could ask the first “getting to know you” questions, exchange a list of “Must Haves” and “Can’t Stands” and then move on to open-ended questions. As I went through these stages with other matches, I felt it helped me decide whether I wanted to continue with the communication and meet in person.

When Josh was sent to me as a match in February 2004, we began these same stages of communication. I had decided to communicate with Josh even though he didn’t have a photo posted. I communicated often with people without photos because I felt I really wanted to get to know the person and if we made it to Open Communication, I could always ask for one then.

I enjoyed each moment of communication with Josh. I loved that this forum allowed me to ask hard-hitting questions that really would never come up on a first date. I believe two of the questions I asked Josh were, “What is one thing you could start doing today that would improve the quality of your life?” and “Name three things that you can bring to a relationship.” I loved Josh’s answers so much but I still couldn’t see his pictures. Well, later that night, he posted a few photos and I was more than happy with how handsome he is. Turns out that he was new to the site and didn’t have any photos saved on his computer yet. I am so glad that I made the decision to communicate with him anyway. I would recommend to anyone using the service to give the profiles without photos a chance. You never know the reason that person hasn’t posted one yet, and if I had immediately closed him out, I would have missed out on the love of my life. Along those same lines, make use of the guided stages of communication—they really help you as you get to know your matches.

By the time we reached Open Communication, we were both too shy to make the first move. I sat there at my cubicle after completing my work day and looked at Josh’s last message to me. I knew I was ready to meet him but wasn’t sure if I could be the one to make the move. I asked my friend in the next cubicle over if it would be too forward to send him my phone number. At that very moment, another co-worker walked by my desk and said, “Stephanie, the whole point of online dating is to be a little forward.”

I sent my number and it was exactly what Josh needed to gain the confidence for the next steps. I think so many times it is difficult for women to make that first move, but a forum like eHarmony allows for more of an equal playing ground. Sometimes you might miss out on a really great guy who just needs a little confidence boost.

Josh and I just passed our fourth wedding anniversary and are expecting twins in December. Looking back at our time together, I would not have changed a single thing about how we met. I love knowing that he was the match specially picked for me. As for my roommate that I mentioned earlier, after a broken engagement to a man she met on another site, she is now happily dating a match from eHarmony. I couldn’t be happier for her.

stephandjosh12 He Said, She Said: How eHarmony Worked for UsJosh’s side:

I joined eHarmony because my friends suggested it would be a great way to get back in the dating game after my failed marriage. I looked at eHarmony as a dart board. There is a strategy in darts and a certain skill level. I didn’t have the skill level on my own, so I needed eHarmony to guide me. I didn’t want to throw the darts blindly in hopes that I would hit the bullseye. I took the questionnaire and made sure that my match settings were as open as possible.  I figured that the more open the settings, the wider this metaphorical bullseye would be and the greater chance I would have at hitting it and finding the right person for me.

I had an idea of what I wanted and what was important to me, and eHarmony guided me the rest of the way.  I was initially hesitant when I began the eHarmony process, but I have to admit that once I dug into the questionnaire, my fears were put to rest.  I could tell by the depth of questioning that the eHarmony process was different from all the rest. I made sure that I communicated with as many matches as I could. I was lucky that Stephanie came up as a match right away, but I think it is important to be patient if you think that it is taking longer than it should. It is important to remind yourself that you have been searching for the right person on your own for a long time without any success. You need to give this process time as well.

To this day, I am convinced that my decision to join eHarmony was the best decision I have ever made.  Meeting Stephanie is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am forever grateful to have her by my side.  She brings out the best in me and makes me want to be a better man.  I don’t know where I’d be today if not for eHarmony and my life is forever changed because of it.

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